#this is the one where they had to do the acknowledgements with frank and ray behind them arguing in the dead mics about

[on-this-day-mcr]

On this day, September 2

In 2022: My Chemical Romance performed their 31st show of the 2022-2023 Swarm tour in Montreal, Canada. At this show, an unreleased song (titled "Eagles" on the paper setlist) was performed for the third time ever, with new lyrics. Gerard Way wore blackout scleral contacts with fake blood dripping from their eyes, and "I only have eyes for you ♡" was written on the drums. (🖤)

Watch the show here!

Dominic Gendron

[an-idiot-in-fandoms]

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE WAY WE TALK ABOUT THE MEMBERS OF MCR???

A-FUCKING-TTENTION. I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS SOMETHING.

as my followers may know i am a giant mcr stan. i love their music. i think most of the band are good people. however, something came to my attention.

i haven't made it a secret that i am NOT a fan of Lindsey Way, Gerard's wife, who is a racist, pedophile apologist. learning about her being a giant piece of shit made me very sad to acknowledge that if Gerard is willing to not only marry her, but use the reunion tour as also an opportunity to uncancel his dear precious wife or some bullshit, then he's not obviously the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to race and racism in general. the fact that they even endorsed and was a fan of MSI, a "shock humour" band, which used slurs to get attention (which is fucking pathetic by the way), says a lot already. perhaps it speaks to the rock scene's general tolerance for racism at the time in the 2000s, but it wasn't the 1800s. Jimmy Urine was still a white man using the n-word at full volume, and profiting off of it during his concerts and releasing his music.

and maybe shut the fuck up if you're going to call me a "snowflake" about it, because chances are you're white, and you have no fucking clue how dangerous this rhetoric can be towards POC, who have to put up with the normalisation of slur use that the band encourages. i am a POC, and i find the fact that he used that language for money and fame absolutely disgusting. the whole band is disgusting. they can rot in hell.

anyway.

i came across a blog, not going to say which one, but one where it called out Lindsey Way. i was like "ok cool someone else who can use critical thinking in this fandom and doesn't just blindly support Gerard even though he's still definitely not the goddamn messiah". so i go on a scroll through their blog. they were a big fan of Frank, and i respect that, Frank deserves all of his flowers and more.

and then it got weird.

i came across posts where they speculated on the dynamic of the band. and a lot of things were spoken about, where they talked about Gerard being manipulative towards Frank, and how Frank didn't like going on the American leg of the tour during the reunion, and how, basically, they weren't friends, and how Gerard wasn't a good person.

the point is - there was A LOT of speculation. it made me upset to be reading it because i felt as though i'd been punched in the face, reading all this stuff about a guy i look up to partially. i sort of fell into a rabbit hole scrolling through their tumblr, getting more depressed, feeding into the logic that i could never truly feel happy about liking mcr again, reading about all of these theories, and---

hold the phone.

did you read that?

THEORIES.

it occurred to me that these were THEORIES. and the way they were demonising certain people, such as putting down Ray in certain posts to make way for Frank, made me realise that there's a problem with this fandom and how people like to assume what happens with the band members' personal life, and how they interact with each other. people like to speculate in this fandom. like, a lot.

i'll assume it's partially due to how most of the band don't shed a lot of light on their personal lives, only really Frank and Mikey are active on social media, usually showing appreciation for their families/or Frank's countless side-projects (which are all great btw, go listen to Parachutes again). so a lot of the fandom turn to speculation, to come up with these theories that "oh there's in-fighting", or "Gerard is secretly an evil genius who manipulates the whole band".

these are real people. Gerard isn't a saint, despite what some people may believe (cough, girlgerard, cough), but what we don't have to do is start making up bullshit about them being a certain way with no evidence. it's all speculation. and it's demeaning, not only to Frank and Gerard, who've probably had enough with the rumours about them over the years, but for Mikey and Ray as well.

these people aren't your friends. they're not some mystical beings shrouded in darkness that you have to find everything out about either. they are people in a band.

going too deep into speculation robs them of their autonomy. it makes everyone in the fandom look like creeps as well. it's horrible to see, and it takes away the real importance of critical thinking.

you can think critically about Gerard for marrying and excusing a racist woman, because there is EVIDENCE of her being racist. there is EVIDENCE of her being a pedophile apologist. that brings up questions about his own views on race, and how much he's willing to excuse, if he could love someone who willingly takes part in racism.

you can't do the same for Frank and Gerard's relationship. we know JACKSHIT about that. they have never said anything negative pertaining to each other in interviews, whatever "beef" people have made up between them is entirely manufactured by the fandom's overactive imagination. it's like a dead-dove fanfic on AO3 for fuck's sake, where Gerard is tagged as an asshole.

i'm aware it is only a small proportion of people who do this. but the extent to which they do it is honestly shocking. so i got pissed off.

we don't need to know everything about what happens with the band members. Frank has LS Dunes. Mikey has his family. who the fuck knows what Ray and Gerard are doing.

(now, no one's complaining about the lack of Ray on social media, but when people see a picture of Gerard's hand they flip out and beg for a face reveal - but no one's ready for that convo...)

point is: let them be. work with what you get. there's no need to make up things to make it all interesting, to create conflict - you've got that with the heavily problematic connection to MSI. evidence is key. you do not need to analyse these people like they're fictional characters.

because they are PEOPLE. and people are neither completely good or bad, they are usually in the grey area.

[kafkaoftherubble]

185.2章：放下？还是压抑？可贺，抑或可悲？

// Chapter 185.2: Detachment v. Repression

This ramble concerns To Your Eternity manga Chapter 185.2. It is edited from a conversation between (yea you guessed it) @bestbonnist and me after the chapter dropped before I had to hastily run off because sorry gotta see shits with my Besto Furrendo! Lisan al-Ghaib! Lisan al-Ghaib!!!

Although this chapter is devoid of hype moments—unlike C184.1 where plenty of us were sent into a frenzy— and good old macabre, this is genuinely one of my favorite chapters to date.

Because it became a really nice philosophical discussion between friends. Sounds a tad cheesy when I say it like that...

(1) Two Different Perspectives on Fushi's Latest State of Mind

Ray expressed dismay that Fushi's coping mechanism seems to gave become even more terrible because they are essentially repressing their emotions. They are telling themself not to feel anything and to be detached. In the Wish Era, Fushi seemed to have become more resigned to their fate, which became starkly apparent when contrasted by the Doll and Andy's loud, outward desire to see Abel live.

That dismal observation actually stunned me—because I happened to see this development in a positive light. What better state of mind should Fushi aspire to attain apropos to their immortality... if not a state of non-attachment? After all, if they don't learn to be so, then the sheer impermanence of life will torment them forever. To me, non-attachment—or in a more English-natural manner of speaking, detachment—is a goal worthy of pursuing, even if it is often fraught with erratic instances such as mistaking "repressing one's emotions" as similar to "being genuinely unperturbed."

----

(2) The Benefits of Attachment

In this story's universe, attachment keeps a person's faie (their soul) around.

Hence, to Ray, Fushi's loss of attachment implies their death (which I agree is a reasonable projection for the end of this story). When they no longer have anything to do—no goal—then it is time for them to move on.

But more than that, there's this other thing Ray is worried about. The manga asked whether Fushi is human, especially in its earlier exploration. Whether they think they are human. Therefore, it's hard to see Fushi's detachment as anything other than dehumanizing themself ("I'm not human so I don't deserve to be attached/feel bad when people I care about die.") It's one step to Fushi's progression into becoming a deity at the expense of their humanity.

This prospect is upsetting because they wanna see Fushi leave as a human being, as someone who dies after living a satisfying life like Yuuki did.

Ray also argued that there's a difference between acceptance and detachment. "Acceptance is acknowledging that something is out of your control and acknowledging that the way you feel about that." To them, Fushi seemed to have acknowledged that something was out of their control, but they hadn't yet acknowledged their feelings toward it.

Then, they conceded that while Fushi was frank about being pained by people leaving, ultimately, the dude seemed deadset on trying to ignore that pain altogether. "Fushi isn't good at being 'above' feeling things!"

I agree with this. Of course, they aren't! One of Fushi's powers is supernatural empathy. They can't ignore the sensation of pain or (occasionally) love in their vicinity even if they try. Feeling shit is what they do, willingly or not. And from an emotional connection like that, one easily forms attachments.

---

(3) The Common Error: Mistaking Detachment with Apathy

Strangely, at that point in our conversation, it became clear that Ray thought Fushi should not be detached because it stops them from accepting death—while I think Fushi should learn to be detached because it helps them to accept death. Same destination, but different ways of assessing detachment as a path.

Now, of course, when I use the term "detachment" or "non-attachment" (preferred), I'm once again drawing it from a Buddhist philosophical perspective. Because dude, it's me, 睿得失。You fucking signed up for this the moment you talk to me, bwaahhahahahaha!

Even Buddhists, born and raised, often make the mistake of conflating "equanimity," which non-attachment encourages, with "apathy."

One of the four sublime qualities (brahmavihārā), equanimity (upekkhā) is the state of being unwavering and unperturbed even in the face of loss and gain [1], good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, and sorrow and happiness. Its far enemies—as in, its direct contrasting vices—are greed and resentment. But its near enemy—the quality mendaciously close to equanimity—is apathy.

[1] Just a little aside: this is why I joked that Fushi should take up my self-given Chinese name in our conversation. 睿得失 means "being wise (about one's) gain and loss." The hope of attaining some semblance of upekkha is built into the name already.

Plenty of people think being detached means being uncaring and indifferent, and that it has some elements of dehumanization to it—be it to other people or to yourself. But it's not. Being detached is to keep a balance between concern and coercion. It's expressing compassion while being mindful not to conflate your genuine care with your desire to will things and people to bend to the state or situation you wanted.

Fushi and us mortals could easily realize one fact about life: it is truly impermanent. The desire to impose our will on the universe—as if there is some supernatural feature to our will that can influence things to happen—is a source of agitation. Life doesn't bend to our will; it indifferently stays impermanent even when we demand it to be permanent in some sort of personal bliss.

In Buddhist thought, it's our actions and intentions that impart changes. Our will (and our demanding desires) don't. We'll revisit this in our 5th Chapter later.

In other words! Contrary to Ray's interpretation, I see being detached not as imposing a limit on your compassion but liberating it from constraints. Now that you're detached, your mode of compassion is centered around the situation and people as they are, not as you hope them to be. True compassion asks for nothing in return—not because you suppress your demands, but because you genuinely have none to begin with.

----

(4) Fushi's Laudable Baby Steps

What really made me think that Fushi had grown here was their insistence that whether Abel lives or dies is "his decision to make."

Not Fushi's, despite their god-like powers. Not Doll or Andy, despite their love and attachment to Abel. It's Abel's choice. All Fushi can do is to accept whatever the man says—and that acceptance is only possible if they begin practicing detachment. After all, attachment results in the reactions Doll and Andy expressed.

To me, Fushi is taking a step in the right direction already. This is the kind of wisdom I think an immortal, most of all, should gradually pick up (I also think mortals like us should, too, but that's beside the point).

Here is where I think Ray's criticisms warrant merits in my interpretation: Actually practicing detachment/non-attachment is hard as fuck. I wouldn't deny that though it doesn't make you an apathetic non-human, you're not gonna be very normal-humanlike if you manage to be equanimous either. While learning to be detached, one often takes up a lot of problematic tactics and mistakes it to be detachment.

One such misguided tactic? Suppression of emotions. You force yourself to pretend you're not feeling anything instead of facing them and realizing their falsity while believing you're being detached. So Ray's concerns are completely warranted, because I don't believe Fushi has consummated their learning either. They wouldn't have lied about the massacre if they were really that detached.

Repressing your emotion, as a tactic, is wrong, but it is the hallmark of someone who's trying to get there, especially when you compound it with the philosophy Fushi was articulating. They care. But they are also being clear-eyed about the limits of their demand.

I don't think they seem resigned here. I think they are being wise. Baby steps, and their method is imperfect, but good nonetheless.

----

(5) Yuuki the GOAT and His Biggest W Yet

Fushi grappled with wanting to impose their will to make others live as long as they in the Modern Arc, right? That's one of their biggest and most constant sources of dukkha (dissatisfaction/suffering). But Yuuki's satisfying death and life... actually steered him in the right direction!

Fushi didn't come to earn detachment because of some horrible, tragic death turning them jaded and cynical. They learned because Yuuki's life and death were that fucking good.

Learning philosophy from pain is all well and good. It is usually how people learn it (few would give a fuck about existentialism or Buddhist philosophy or stoicism or what-have-you if they weren't in a personal crisis). But learning philosophy from joy is a whole other thing. Whatever you learned from that instance has no hint of jadedness and cynicism to corrupt your thinking; it's like making a decision when you're at the most optimal state.

This is Yuuki's victory. He influenced and taught Fushi without giving him pain or trauma to live by. He was not some main character of a tragedy despite outwardly looking like a bumbling normie.

Think about it: none of the Immortals who were attached to Fushi, until now, had been capable of influencing and teaching them without accidentally leaving some grief, pain, and trauma!

Why does Fushi take on Yuuki's form so much lately—if not because Yuuki is the only one who managed to teach them without the use of pain or trauma or anything like that?

And as Ray pointed out, Yuuki was the form embodying "Peace." Even his death was offscreen and peaceful. On a bed, unpoisoned and unhurt. Fushi remembers him constantly because he makes them feel at ease.

"It's our actions and intentions that impart changes," that was what I mentioned in Chapter 3 of this long-ass ramble. Here it is exemplified. People inherit the fruits of other people's actions (and you yourself are one of those who will inherit your own actions, too). And well? These are the fruits of Yuuki's actions that Fushi continues to reap even now.

That's how complete Yuuki's W is. He managed to leave just the kind of food for thought for an Immortal that eventually set them up to grasp the kind of wisdom they lacked. Who says the Modern Arc has no lessons?

----

(6) Conclusion, or The Abrupt Ending of a Conversation

As you can tell, I really don't think Fushi's latest development is bad. Bittersweet and a bit of a mixed bag, sure, but I ultimately think it's commendable rather than worrisome. Of course, my ass interpreting things through a Buddhist lens has a lot to do with it, but brutha, this is exactly my niche! You should have seen me talk about non-self vis-a-vis Fushi in a YouTube comment section!

Ray did leave this paragraph that had eluded me because, again, the Muaa'dib was calling me and I really gotta go:

"I have a potential counter-argument for you, which is about how Fushi's ideal person to follow is kind of a mix of Yuuki (as you explained) and Kahaku (bag of mess and you haven't read that part of the present era anyways), which is putting the concept of detachment together with a really selfish kind of selflessness (as we talked about). But I'm not clear on whether that's still there after their fight with the left hand. I feel like it's lingering a little but I haven't seen much evidence for it in the wish era."

Now, I don't really know what that whole bit was like because I didn't actually read all of the Modern Arc—just the latter half. But again, "detachment" and "self-lessness" are complementary and forward-feeding to one another in Buddhist Philosophy, so on this concept alone, I don't see a clash.

I should probably clarify what Ray's "selfish kind of selflessness" meant here, but... I'm kinda tired now. And I've briefly touched on this in my essay about... Gojo Satoru, goddamn it.

Or maybe Ray should explain it themself! I distinctly remember someone owing me like, 3 essays or something. I'm such a kindhearted person I'm willing to give them a discount and accept just one essay for this week, though. Don't squander it, you!

Thank you for reading my ramble.

----

Did you enjoy this? If yes, wouldn't it be really fucking cool if you get to read essays and commentaries like these, alongside fanfic and fanart and other interesting bits, in one place?!

BECAUSE! We are thinking of starting a To Your Eternity zine! It's merely in its Interest Check phase, but you gotta fill this form up so we can see just how many people in our modest little fandom want this! Be a supporter or a contributor, it don't matter at this stage! Support is the currency here!

[thorns-and-rosewings]

How about some Demon Killcode Headcanons for the Seraphim AU?

🔥

1) Killcode is revived inside of the Pizzaplex by Cherubim Lunar, the process of which was so frightening that it scares off Bloodmoon, who had been creeping around intent on doing more damage to the TSAMS Family. But the process took all of Cherubim Lunars energy and he powered down as a result.

2) Fortunately Forkface/Frank had been nearby and saw everything. He manages to get Killcode to follow him into the daycare (Which it's conveniently empty at the moment) and the mute Moon knock-off manages to use the portal to send himself and KC into the Seraphim dimension.

3) Killcodes appearence through the Seraphim portal was... Interesting...

4) His appearance caught Seraphim Eclipse and Arc Bloodmoon off guard. And the second they saw he was carrying their unconscious little brother nearly resulted in Bloodmoon attacking him... Which would have been an unpleasant repeat death sequence.

5) However, Frank got in the way. He managed to keep Bloodmoon back long enough for Killcode to explain what happened with Lunar. Which immediately calms his brothers down.

6) Once determining that KC isn't a threat, he's welcomed to the Seraphim universe as a guest while Cherubim Lunar is grounded.

7) KC spends some time in this universe in order to adapt to his new body. For even though he's fine with his height; the wings, tail and the fact he has retractable claws in his hands and feet still takes a bit to adapt to... Among other things...

8) It's a bit awkward for Seraphim Eclipse, who is used to being the tall one in his family. As he stands at 10 feet with his rays. While Killcode stands 13 feet easily.

9) The fact that Cherubim Lunar is not exactly sure exactly what additional Bio-Mechanical upgrades he actually added to Killcodes new body means that some things will just need to be discovered over time.

9.5) Oh Lord there is going to be one big WTF situation later on...

10) Killcode actually has a hard time getting the hang of flying. He's primarily learning to fly from Bloodmoon, who likewise only has two wings and Cherubim Lunar cannot help as his grounding involves him not being allowed to fly. So he's left as a spectator.

11) Once he gets the hang of flying, he becomes comparable to Seraphim Eclipse in regards to his agility and the two race a few laps around the surrounding area. Each one resulting in a tie...

12) Overall, KC becomes a welcome addition to Seraphims universe. At least temporarily...

13) However... One person who doesn't react well AT ALL to Killcodes presence is Canon Eclipse... Who is just... Shellshocked... To see Killcode there, let alone in a new body.

14) He becomes enraged and goes to hit the far taller being with a broom, but his limbs lock up due to the collar he has that prevents him from being violent. Earning him a swat upside the head from Seraphim Eclipse.

15) Killcode looks upon the Eclipse from his world with disappointment... Before commenting that the life he has now is the best thing he could have ever hoped for. He was never destined for greatness or even mediocrity and his own actions have barred him from any family bonds he could have had.

16) Canon Eclipse just storms off to have a very bad meltdown.

17) Once he's gone and he's sure he cannot be overhead, KC commends Seraphim Eclipse for trying to actually help the Eclipse he calls a son... But acknowledges that he might be too far gone to help and to please be cautious about it.

18) Seraphim acknowledges this... But cannot bring himself to give up on his alternate. At least not yet anyway...

19) After a period of time, KC determines he wants to return to his own universe as that was where he had built his life beforehand. Something that the Angelic family understands and they part ways with Killcode having an open invitation to return whenever he wants, or if he ever desires a new home.

20) KC returns to the TSAMS universe... Along with Frank who he didn't notice tag along with him... And he silently returns to his RV and begins the long task of fixing it so he can actually fit in it. Although he is helped in this task by Frank.

Of course he later has to stop Frank from attacking local wildlife with a frying pan 😅

[prettytm]

Skull on chest, black coat on as an as-needed cover and combat boots firmly laced; the presence that protects this narrow strip of Red Hook makes itself known to any and all that look a certain way. The dangerous ones. The quiet ones that work in shadows. The ones that aren't just friendly neighbors minding their business, but rather unfriendly business bringing their troubles to friendly neighborhoods. He can't let that stand. So throat is cleared and acknowledgement forced, steel pipe in hand given a toss and caught again. "I suggest you keep it moving." The deep growl not of The Punisher himself, but rather one of his unsanctioned acolytes. Where the Devil of Hell's Kitchen had Devil Worshippers, the polarizing vigilante Frank Castle had his Skullheads. People who believed in what he did. Who wanted to do it too. They couldn't all be lucky enough to get blasted by rays or bitten by spiders, but they could sure put on the iconic mantle and bring back the concept of a neighborhood watch. Upgraded. That this particular Skullhead is also sporting pimple patches over the bridge of his nose and an aspect that suggests he's not quite done with high school should be neither here nor there.

Stopping mid-step, he turns when the voice addresses him, a voice that's been deepened and put on a play a sweet little game of pretend. He might have been amused, if this idiot wasn't going to get himself into trouble. When black eyes settle on the kid, he's frowning, his mouth curled into a thin expression beneath the white glow of his mask. Just a kid.. Barely in high school he thinks.. He's not close enough to guess at an actual age but he's too young to be in these streets playing at being the Punisher.

Did Frank know about these skull wearing idiots?

Yeah, probably but what could he do. There were always some do-gooder thinking it was a swell idea to hockey pad up and "join" the fight.

He's glad the kid had come across him tonight. At least he'd make it home. Billy rolls his neck and lets his head tilt to one side as he steps out of the shadows to reveal himself. Jigsaw. He's made a name for himself the same he had when he was just Billy Russo. It's a different name now, with a different meaning, his purpose different as well. But that didn't really matter to anyone but the heroes and the idiots who thought bringing a pipe to a dark alley would keep them safe.

The bad guys had knives and guns, blades and bullets with names carved into them. "Go home to your mommy and daddy, kid, you're not gonna find nothing but pain out here."

[xtrablak674]

"I love you, but I don't like you."

Listening to The Heart's first episode of a limited series called Dad, had me thinking about my own father on this father's day, a holiday I hadn't even acknowledged less celebrated in well over thirty years. I love you, but I don't like you, is one of the lingering memories I have for this man who has been dead nearly longer than I have been alive. Its the reason I try to choose my words carefully with the children, I don't want them to have this kind of feeling lingering about, long after I am gone.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I don't like to disagree with Ms. Angelou, but I remember what he said, and in his defense it may have just been a well-intentioned joke, it had a lasting effect that may not have been understood or realized at the time.

Ray didn't take into consideration, that as a small child I literally felt he placed the moon in the sky and only became disillusioned with who he was as I began to develop my own agency, one separate from my parents. This can be the hardest part of growing up in my opinion, coming to the realization that your parents like yourself, are only human.

As intelligent, well-spoken, well-read and seeming to ooze coolness, my father was a man with low self-esteem, low self-worth, suffering not only from PTSD and depression but also dying from his exposure to Agent Orange. He was a boy who had so much potential and never met even a quarter of that as an adult. Who would spend his entire adult life under-employed or on either public assistance, disability or both.

The thing that disappointed me is I felt he could have done better, albeit I have never faced the trauma of being in a war that no one had love for, but I have faced life in a place where no one has love for me. I choose not to let what I was being shown and told about myself define who I was and what my life could be. I felt very strongly that he could have done the same, not just become a victim of his circumstances...

He may not have liked me, but I have surpassed any successes he had in his short time on this earth. I have accomplished more in my careers, made more income than he ever did, and have had a sense of stability that seemed very elusive to him.

The bunk beds, it was one of the only memories outside of the Harlem apartment he would share with my future "step-mother", I remember how much I loved the apartment with the bunk beds and I don't recall much beyond them. I just knew I wanted to sleep in the top bunk. My avid television watching had me thinking of myself as one of the Brady boys who had bunk beds, and I just thought there was something amazing about sleeping so high up.

Beyond that my later feelings of him are wrapped up in disappointment and unfulfilled promises, another thing I made sure I didn't do with the children, ever tell them I would do something that I didn't do. I am still waiting for that word processor.

To be frank this 'holiday' as do most of them really hold little to nothing for me, because the people who make them celebrations have all abandoned me usually to death and most times to other things. It will be a day that is just another Sunday for me. No cards, not ties, and seriously no love lost.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[necroticneurosis]

dream talk. gets long. dont think too hard on it.

i was sitting on a couch scrolling social media on my phone, and a few other people were there, chatting away, when someone else walked in. i glanced up to see gerard, thought "oh, its him", then looked back down at my phone. the other people started getting excited, asking for signatures photos and hugs. i didnt acknowledge him nor share everyones excitement. he walked closer to me, leaning against the half wall nearest the couch i was lounging on, and asked the room "anyone else want a signature?" it was directed at me, the guy whos treating him like everyone else. it was said as if it was nothing. a kind of "im used to this so if you want a picture or something ill give you one, no biggie". i caved and handed him a cd that he wasnt even on.

a few minutes pass and i realize the fans arent there anymore and the room has changed, though i wouldnt be able to tell you what was different. gerards sat on the couch with me now. im still scrolling social media but my hearts beating a little faster as i try to ignore him being closer to me. of me feeling something i cant quite place. hes treating me like weve always known eachother, like were friends, like ive known him since... anyway, i realize hes sitting on my feet. we both apologize for it, awkwardly. we both feel we need to act less casual than we feel we should. i mean, were friends, arent we? weve known eachother for years... havent we? but we both know thats not true. even though we feel differently.

the room has changed even more now. theres a couple cameras pointed at the couch, a few screens, big lights and mics and all. a doorway to the left. everyone else walks in, along with sound techs. gerard stands, with one last look at me, a strange look in his eyes, then goes to talk with mikey and a tech. i move over to were gerard was sitting and frank sits next to me, bob next to him, ray behind/to the side of the couch. i refused to look at frank. i felt strange seeing him, feeling him beside me, outside of me, instead of...

...well, its a livestream of some form. its for something important, something big. the chat starts flowing well before the cameras start rolling. franks already cracking jokes and rays feeding it. i realize im part of the show, like a "one lucky fan gets to sit with the band!" kind of thing. like i won some raffle or something. it made me queasy. im not a fan. i dont listen to them. i dont- im not-...

cameras rolling. techs are doing things. gerards watching. rays doing the most talking, i dont know what exactly, im not paying much attention. im looking at myself in the livestream, thinking i look strange. i look odd. i look like my body does now. i look at frank in the corners of my eyes, but never high enough to see his face, though i wouldnt be able to through his hair anyhow. i look at his tattoos and his hands, that get too close too me for comfort. my stomach is in knots. the red ink feels blinding. it tugs something i didnt know i had deep inside my heart. numbers. pictures. ink. memories. i look away.

hes telling jokes, constant jokes, one after another. chat eats it up. they love him. i dont understand why. they cut to commercial, and hes talking with everyone, laughing. theres an edge to his voice. do they hear it too? breaks almost over and he starts stancing up to play it off like he was fucking about doing something stupid and reckless while chat couldnt see us. they lose their minds again, laughing, calling him an idiot, the works. all i can think is "is this all you do? is this all you do, seriously, you only joke? is that really how you hide your pain, through relentless jokes? enough already for fucks sa-"

mikey walks behind the couch to the other side of the room. chat lights up like a firecracker, explosions of "WAY SPOTTED!!!!!!" and the like. they keep asking where gerard is, and completely ignoring bob. rays chatting away and feeding into franks antics. im feeling antsy and im sick to my stomach.

i dont know why im there. i dont know why theres two of me. i dont know whats going on. all i feel is nausea and stomach pain and i wished everyone would stop looking at me, at both of me, stop laughing at my-his-franks jokes. i just want to hang out with my best friend again. the guy who isnt my best friend. the guy who i only met an hour ago. the guy who doesnt even know me. the guy who keeps looking at me from across the room.

and now im dreaming about gerard again about everyone again im going to be sick and its only 7 in the damn morning

[takerfoxx]

What Your Favorite Puella Magi Madoka Magica Ship Says About You

Inspired by DoubleCa5t's series, and since we're probably going to get an official video sooner or later, I'm putting my version out while I can.

Also, this is all in good fun, so don't take any teasing seriously.

...

MadoHomu (Madoka X Homura)

You are a firm believe in the inherent eroticism of this image.

You have episode ten memorized.

You have a very specific emotional reaction to “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper.

You have severe problems with The Rebellion Story, particularly in how it upended the optimistic note that the original series ended on and recontextualized Homura’s devotion to Madoka as something unhealthy and even toxic, but you still can’t bring yourself to reject the movie entirely, because at the end of the day, even you have to admit that damn, that dress.

The phrase, “X character did nothing wrong” pops up a lot in your internet discourse.

You ship CatraDora.

KyouSaya (Kyouko X Sayaka)

You’re always a sucker for how the dynamic of Enemies to Lovers shifts from antagonism to devotion without losing its obsessive intensity.

Your ideal date can best be summed up as Be Gay, Do Crimes…after which you have to call your responsible friend to come bail both of you out.

You know that important stuff happens after episode nine, but to be quite frank, at that point you were too emotionally traumatized to get invested and were only watching out of a feeling of obligation.

You were uncharacteristically smug after watching The Rebellion Story despite what disproportionately little screentime your ship received.

You also ship CatraDora.

MadoSaya (Madoka X Sayaka)

You don’t understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to Enemies to Lovers when there’s a perfectly good Friends to Lovers right there.

This is the same joke as the first part of MadoHomu, but with the Hot Topic switched out for a Footlocker.

You lost your mind on 4chan over Persephone’s Waltz on more than one occasion and for more than one reason (hey, ErinPtah!).

KyouMami (Kyouko X Mami)

You read A Different Story, and probably listened to that one audio drama.

You’re a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of exes that still long for one another.

You feel that a lot of the issues that both these characters struggle with stem from how messy their falling out was, and had Mami been more supportive and Kyouko not abandoned her after the death of Kyouko’s family, a whole lot of grief could have been avoided.

MamiSaya (Mami X Sayaka)

Your ideal date is getting sempai to notice you.

You have gotten into at least one altercation with Anticrack-Kun.

MadoMami (Madoka X Mami)

Your ideal date is getting kouhai to notice you.

You’re just here for some girls being friends, gals being pals.

MamiNagi (Mami X Nagisa)

You were already shipping Mami with the human form of Charlotte before The Rebellion Story came out, and even afterward you’re still unwilling to let go despite how uncomfortable it makes you now, to the point where “Aged Up Characters” is a regular tag in your ao3 searches.

Either that, or…

HomuMami (Homura X Mami)

You’re a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of passive-aggressiveness.

You were tilting your head in a particular manner during that scene where Mami ties up Homura, and feel that how it ended was a real missed opportunity.

You had to pause The Rebellion Story for about five minutes after the gunfight, and after you continued you shouted, “Goddamn it, Sayaka!” out loud.

HomuSaya (Homura X Sayaka)

This is the same joke as the first part of MadoHomu, but with the Sanrio switched out for a Footlocker.

Your favorite ao3 tag is “Hatesex.”

KyouHomu (Kyouko X Homura)

You know what's better than one edgy badass girl with a tragic past? Two edgy badass girls with a tragic past.

You felt that both these characters spent too much energy pursuing someone that just weren't into them as they were, and would better off settling with someone on more equal footing.

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of game recognizing game.

You really wish that they reached that ramen shop in the movie.

KyouMado (Kyouko X Madoka)

Your favorite highschool relationship dynamic is edgy delinquent/ray of sunshine.

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of “gap moe.”

HitoSuke (Hitomi X Kyousuke)

You feel that these two characters get way too much hate, and everything that happened wasn’t their fault. Like, come on, guys. How could they have known that their teenaged relationship drama would be exploited by a race of emotionless alien groomers?

Your main priority is keeping things canon…and you don’t have a whole lot else to work with.

HitoSaya (Hitomi X Sayaka)

You feel that the most effective way of resolving a love triangle is eliminating the heterosexual options.

You feel that when Hitomi declared, “Girls can’t love girls!”, Sayaka’s reaction ought to have been, “Challenged accepted.”

SayaSuke (Sayaka X Kyousuke)

You just want good things for Sayaka, but only in a first four episodes kind of way.

You are heterosexual.

SayaHitoSuke (Sayaka X Hitomi X Kyousuke)

You feel that the best way of resolving a love triangle is by connecting the bottom two axis.

You are heterosexual. Or possibly bisexual. Well, regardless, you are really horny.

HomuHito (Homura X Hitomi)

You’ve played the portable game.

MadoHito (Madoka X Hitomi)

You are constantly frustrated at how little attention this ship receives. After all, weren’t they friends too? But instead people seem to be more focused on shipping characters that don’t even like each other or never even interact in the show, and at this point you’re just glad that I acknowledged it in this silly meme post.

MamiHito (Mami X Hitomi)

You want to be a wealthy, unmarried Victorian duchess who is noted by history for your incredibly close relationship with your lovely companion who lives with you, does everything with you, up to and including sharing a bed, and after both of your deaths scholars will make note of what great friends you must have been.

KyouHito (Kyouko X Hitomi)

You were going out of your way to piss off Anticrack-kun. And really, who wouldn’t?

KyouSuke (Kyouko X Kyousuke)

You were going out of your way to piss off everybody, and I salute your courage.

HomuJun (Homura X Junko)

You are really into Pixar moms.

Also, obligatory…

KazuJun (Kazuko X Junko)

This is the same joke as the second part of MadoMami, but you’re also really into Pixar moms.

MadoKyu (Madoka X Kyubey)

I can’t say for certain whether or not you’re a monsterfucker, but you certainly enjoy the chaos that the very implication of this ship creates.

PolyMegucas (Madoka X Sayaka X Homura X Kyouko X Mami)

You don’t understand why there has to be so much drama between all these different pairings. All the girls are wonderful in their own ways, and they would be so much happier if they just stopped fighting, formed a loving and mutually supportive team dynamic as was seen in the first part of the movie, and possibly smooched one another.

Also, you are extremely horny.

[kopikokun]

Beach Day Blues༄ l.dh

↳ Out on a day trip to the beach with your boyfriend and his friends, you’re anticipating a fun time filled with sunny memories and sand filled swimsuits. What you’re not expecting is the cold shoulder from your usually happy-go-lucky boyfriend, but you’re going to get to the root of this issue, even if it’ll kill you.

pairing: lee donghyuck x reader ft. yuta, mark & jaehyun

content: fluff, beach day, reverse comfort fic, jealousy fic, very mildly suggestive ending

word count: 2053 words

Request 36: Haechan + “I need a hug.” (42) + “You’re cute when you’re angry.” (47) + “You own my heart.” (59) + Jealousy

← BACK TO NAVI.

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.

Perhaps you’re being delusional. Perhaps you’re just dehydrated or, maybe, you rationalise, the scalding rays of the evening Sun have burned not only your skin but your brain cells too (if there were any to begin with). Maybe all of this is just in your head and you’re overthinking it.

    “Hey,” someone hisses, “is it just me or is Donghyuck giving you the cold shoulder?”

    At the question, or rather observation, your head swivels an almost sharp 90 degrees to stare Yuta straight in the eyes. “So, it wasn’t just me thinking that!”

    Yuta chuckles. “Yeah, he definitely seems off…” He peers at Donghyuck discreetly from beneath his sunglasses before turning back towards you. “Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

    “A fight? No way!” You pause, suddenly doubting yourself. “At least, I don’t think so…”

    Though you’re confident in your verdict of innocence regarding a fight, Yuta’s question prompts you to briefly run through the events of the day. To preface things, you, your boyfriend, Donghyuck, and a few of your friends—namely, Yuta, Jaehyun and Mark—had decided around half a month ago to clear up one day in advance for a ‘beach day’ this week. The idea had sprung after someone had brought up how nice and sunny the weather had been lately, and everyone just unanimously came to the conclusion that sunny weather equals beach day.

     You had begun packing for this trip a few days ahead to the surprise of everyone including yourself, which is a testament to your overwhelming excitement, because you rarely--if ever--pack that early for just a single day trip. But who can blame you? This would be your first official trip with Donghyuck. No, you should rephrase that. This would be your first official trip with Donghyuck as your boyfriend. You’ve been on plenty of trips before when you two were just ‘friends’, but now--and maybe this is the romanticist in you which you’ve successfully kept stored away up until recently speaking--it just feels different. You’re sure someone out there can relate, because you’ve never been one to obsess over something as feeble as a label, yet this trip has had your stomach in knots for ages.

  The packing process had gone smoothly--neither you nor Donghyuck had forgotten anything--and so had the car ride over. As far as you can recall, your day at the beach so far has gone without a hitch too. You’d had a little picnic, dipped in the oddly warm sea, played some beach volleyball (badly) and gotten some icecream afterward. No fights, no issues, no nothing.

   Maybe, you think, he found out I was involved in that little switch up with the sea water. You don’t entertain the idea for too long though immediately casting it away, because you know Donghyuck would never be the type to get so upset over a prank.

    So, why the attitude?

    You gaze at Donghyuck’s back, hoping that this mystery might just unravel itself if you stare long enough.

    “Huh…” Yuta’s voice tears you from your zealous staring competition with Donghyuck’s shoulders. “Then I wonder what’s up…”

    You sigh. You know you should confront him and have a mature conversation about what’s bothering him, but that’s so much easier said than done. Maybe this is God’s way of punishing you for ridiculing all those scenes in cheesy teen flicks where the couple would experience a major fall-out because of poor communication. During said scenes, you’d be pulling your hair out, internally screaming at the couple to just freaking talk already, yet now that you’ve been presented this obstacle for you to overcome yourself, you’re erring on the side of caution.

    Come on, you reason, I’ve been friends with Donghyuck for over half-a-decade and we’ve gotten into our fair share of arguments during those five years. What’s so different about now?

    Yeah, you’re right. You find yourself agreeing with your own thoughts, physically nodding along like you’re speaking to someone. Yuta raises a concerned eyebrow at you. Nothing’s different compared to then. You’re doing it again. He’s just my boyfriend, and that’s just a label. Stop. Obsessing. Over. Labels.

    Admittedly, it’s a bit embarrassing having to psyche yourself up to do this, but that’s not what’s important right now. What’s important is that little pep-talk, no matter how laughable it sounded, has gotten you to stand and saunter to Donghyuck with utmost confidence. In hindsight, you should’ve said something to Yuta beforehand instead of just springing from your seat and marching away. The thought hadn’t crossed your mind though, as it was obviously preoccupied with something arguably much more important than giving him the luxury of context.

    You decide not to be too transparent about your feelings at first as you take a seat beside Donghyuck on the sand, leaning your head on his shoulder, hoping that all of this was really just your imagination getting the best of you. You silently plead that he’ll perhaps treat you like he normally would, giving you a little peck on the cheek or at least wrapping his arm around your waist. Unfortunately, your hopes are smothered just as quickly as they arise because Donghyuck doesn’t even bat an eye at you, continuing to chat with Jaehyun and flat-out ignoring your presence. Still optimistic for a reaction, you leave a chaste kiss to his bare shoulder, just to let him know that “Hey, I’m here!”, but to no avail. Infuriatingly, he doesn’t even flinch. All he does is drone on to Jaehyun about something you couldn’t care less about.

    You huff. Audibly. A last ditch effort in vying for Donghyuck’s attention. It goes just as well as your previous attempts. You cross your arms, glaring at the side of Donghyuck’s stubborn little head, hoping to bore a deep hole through his brain. Maybe then he’ll finally take notice of you. Sensing the undeniable tensity in the air, Jaehyun clears his throat awkwardly, offering Donghyuck some lame excuse about needing to take a piss, before shuffling away. Well, at least someone knows how to take a hint.

    With Jaehyun’s departure, you’re left alone with Donghyuck. Usually, he’d be leaping to drown you in affection the second you two had privacy--or even if you two didn’t, to be frank--but all he does now is fiddle with the strings of his swimming shorts absentmindedly.

    “What’s wrong, Hyuck?” you finally ask, desperate to break this frustratingly suffocating silence. “Is something wrong?”

    Finally, after what seems like centuries, Donghyuck acknowledges your existence, though the look he gives you is not a pleasant one. In fact, it’s one of agitation. His tongue prods at his inner cheek before he says, tone bitter, “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

    Evidently taken aback, you crease your eyebrows at him. “I… Did I do something wrong, babe?”

    “Oh, come on,” he scoffs, scornful amusement overtaking his normally amiable features. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You can just come out and say it.”

    “Say what, Hyuck?”

    “How much more you’re into Mark than into me,” Donghyuck says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

    You can’t help but laugh, simply bewildered as to how on Earth he came to this conclusion. “I’m into who now?”

    “Mark,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “don’t have to pretend like you’re surprised.”

  “I’m not into--” you sigh, a smile of disbelief tugging at your lips. “Okay, tell me why you think I’m into Mark.”

    “I don’t think. I know,” Donghyuck argues and you scoff, “but it’s obvious. And I have proof. Take when we were playing volleyball for instance. The whole time, you kept eyeing Mark up and laughing at his jokes. All of them. Even the weird ones that nobody gets.”

    You snort. “Baby… I wasn’t ‘eyeing Mark up’, I was watching him just in case he missed the ball. And about the joke thing, to his credit, some of them were actually pretty funny! But, as for the the rest--and don’t tell Mark I said this--I felt kinda bad nobody else laughed at them, so I just laughed along with him. Trust me, I’ve been in his shoes before and it sucks. Not all of us are born as naturally as funny as you, Hyuck.” You’re a little remorseful that you’re essentially dissing Mark, but you’re sure he’d understand. Your relationship’s on the line here.

    Donghyuck harrumphs, but you can tell by the slight quirk of his lip that he’s a little tickled by you poking fun at Mark and he’s totally been swayed by your compliment.

    “Okay, fine that explains that, but how about when we went swimming just now? Why did you and Mark keep exchanging funny looks?”

    “That?” You giggle. “You know how your drink was mysteriously replaced by seawater?”

    “Yeah,” he trails off, his suspicion growing by the second.

    “Who do you think that was?”

    Donghyuck groans. “Wait, that was you? Seriously? That was mean, babe.”

  “Aww, I know, Hyuck. I’m sorry,” you coo. Your hand inches its way closer to his as you attempt to intertwine your fingers together.

    Donghyuck rejects your endeavour of fondness. “Nu-uh, no way. I’m not done with you yet.”

    “Oh my God, Hyuck, there’s more?” you complain, though there’s a tint of amusement in your voice.

    “Yes, there’s more, and you won’t be able to worm your way out of this one either,” he says smugly, as if it’d be a good thing if you in fact, couldn’t worm your way out of his next accusation. “How about when we went to get ice cream and you kept sliding up next to him?”

    You pout. “I just wanted to try the watermelon popsicle he got.”

    Donghyuck blinks at you, his once irritated expression dissolving. He seems dumbfounded as you hold his gaze, your mirthful smile never faltering. He turns away from you. “Oh, well… then whatever. I guess you aren’t into Mark.”

    “Hyuck,” you say, hand crawling up his arm, “were you jealous?”

    “Well, yeah, obviously,” he deadpans, still refusing to meet your gaze.

    You giggle. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

    His cold facade is immediately abandoned at your teasing intonation, and just like that, your cheery Hyuck is back. “Baby,” he whines, readjusting himself so he’s facing you head-on, “don’t tease me. I couldn’t help but be jealous, you know?”

    “And why is that?”

    Donghyuck purses his lips. “Why? What do you mean why?” He gestures up and down, eyes sweeping over you. “Look how pretty you are! What am I supposed to do when you look this good all the time? It’s unfair, really, that you’re this pretty.”

    A blistering heat, one that is much hotter than the Sun, gathers in your cheeks. “Oh really now, Hyuck?”

    “Yes, really,” he says, genuity seeping into his every word. “Literally, everyday I’m surprised you’re even real.” You grin bashfully and Donghyuck pounds his fist to his chest dramatically like he’s been shot. “See! You’re only smiling and I’m already having heart palpitations at just twenty years old.”

    “Okay, okay, Hyuck. You can stop hyping me up now,” you chuckle. You’re beyond glad that your boyfriend has returned to his spirited self, but you know you should address what just happened seriously, just in case. “But hey, I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Looking back, it definitely could’ve been misinterpreted as flirting and I would never want you to have any reason to feel insecure about our relationship because you own my heart, Hyuck.”

    “Aw, babe, you can be really cheesy when you want to be,” says Donghyuck, pinching your cheeks. He plays what you said off casually, but you know that deep down, it resonates with him, and he honestly appreciates your sincerity. “Come here, I need a hug.”

    “Right now? There are people around, Hyuck.”

    “But you look so good right now. I can’t resist.”

    “I don’t know, Hyuck…” You smile demurely.

    “Alright, then what about,” Donghyuck reaches to tuck your hair behind your ear, whispering, “we ditch the beach day and go cuddle in the car? My skin’s burning, anyway.”

    You grin. “They’re gonna notice that we went missing, you know?”

    “So?” Donghyuck challenges, leaning in to place a short but telling kiss on the juncture which connects your ear and your jaw. “Even better. I want them to know.”

[americasass81]

Love In The Wild

Warnings:- Fluff, M & F Smut (nothing too graphic), Very, very, very Mild Stalker Behavior, Mild Coarse Language, Teasing, Kinda Friends to Enemies to Lovers. Do not read if any of these warnings are upsetting. All mistakes are my own. Feedback and reblogs are welcomed.

By proceeding you are acknowledging that you are over 18 and are consenting to the content below the cut.

Pairing:- softish!Brock Rumlow x Named Female Character

Author’s Note 1:- Okay so this is once again a very special piece for @saiyanprincessswanie as she faces into yet another surgery. Good luck Missy and know that all our thoughts are with you. Hope this lifts your spirits and helps make you smile. {PS:- I also included a little Frank trivia in this but I’m not sure if anyone else will spot it}.

Author’s Note 2:- Thanks goes to @firefly-graphics​ for creating the included Floral Leaves divider. Please go check out Daisy’s work and pass on some love.

Author’s Note 3:- This is also my first time writing for a Named Character and I hope it works okay.

Synopsis:- Meeting a stranger in a place that holds a special place in your heart may be the key to unlocking your future happiness.

Word Count:- 5,378

Sitting out on the porch of the dining area as the morning sun shone its rays towards the ground and the early risers milled around the area, you wished you could wake up like this every morning. Nature was in full bloom all around and listening to the adults chatting while the odd child ran around enjoying their little freedom, you truly felt like you had come home. Finally feeling like yourself again, this trip was simply about reconnecting with nature and finding joy in the little things. Finishing up breakfast, you walked back through the lobby of the lodge and smiled as a small child skipped up to you and handed you some freshly picked wildflowers before running off back to her parents after you thanked her. Sniffing the flowers as you continued on back to your room, you remembered when you too held that child-like innocence and wondering where it went, you hoped that she at least would be someone who could hold onto hers.

Arriving at your room, you opened the door and stepping inside, placed the flowers in a glass of water before picking up the activity pamphlet and looking down the list of activities. Oakridge may have been a nature park, but that didn't stop it from having an impressive choice of activities for those that weren't exactly interested in the great outdoors. Deciding however that you would take advantage of the glorious morning and enjoy a hike along by the river flowing down from the mountains, you dressed accordingly, pulled out your hiking poles and headed off at a leisurely pace. Placing one foot in front of the other, the wind through the trees touched your soul and as you headed along the hiking trail you swore you could hear the voices of those that came before you reaching out across time and space to deliver the peace you had long since sought. Losing yourself in the wonder all around you, step by step your cares melted away as the sound of the nearby river and the local forest creatures reminded you why you were here in the first place.

Bending down to examine a rare plant, while taking a drink from your water bottle, it seemed that a higher power however had something else in mind for you when the sound of a branch snapping off to your right sharpened your senses and focused your attention firmly on your surroundings. Turning towards the sound as a burly, gruff looking man appeared before you, you figured him to be yet another park visitor until he opened his mouth and you identified him as nothing more than an annoyance.

"Well, well, well cricket, imagine finding you out here. You lost? I thought for sure someone like you'd be holed up back at the lodge with a hot chocolate and a nice book." he quipped and all you wanted to do was reach up and slap him. As it was you instead simply ignored him and walked away in the hope he would get the message.

Hope was not to be your friend in this scenario however as he easily caught up to you and began to point out all the ways in which the surrounding woodland was too dangerous for a delicate thing such as yourself. Breathing in the cool crisp air as you ventured further up the hiking trail, you did your best to ignore this intruder into your peaceful activity, but this task proved impossible as his next statement reached your ears. Asking if it was even safe for you to be outdoors and if you could tell the difference between common woodland plants and poison ivy, you finally had enough and rounded on him. "Now listen here you annoying little insect," you spat as he simply stood there looking at you as if enjoying your reaction, "I'll have you know that as a landscape architect this fragile little thing is far more capable of being outdoors than the likes of you."

Looking you up and down however with a smirk you would later come to enjoy, he simply took a step closer and asked what exactly a landscape architect was. After relaying in detail what exactly it was your job entailed, you finally had enough when he voiced his opinion that no such job actually existed and you were nothing more than a gardener. Losing all patience with him and taking in your strategic location, you smiled a glorious smile before placing your hands against his chest and leaning closer towards his ear. "You know what dickface, maybe my work doesn't sound like a real job, but it does give me the strength to do this," and with one powerful push and a huge amount of luck, the stranger found himself sitting in the river as you laughed and walked away from him.

Gazing after your retreating form as the river continued to flow around him and a few more visitors neared his location, he removed himself from his current location and heading back towards the lodge decided that your fiery spirit was definitely something he had to find a way to explore. Finishing off your hike before heading back to your room to freshen up, you hoped the rest of your trip was free of that arrogant stranger while you figured out what to do with the rest of your day.

Stripping off and stepping into the shower in another part of the lodge, Missy's stranger thought back on how he had landed himself in this position. Sure he thought it funny at the time to sneak up on her having secretly loved her from afar over the years, but seeing it from her point of view it probably wasn't the smartest move. Still he had to admit that fire in her was something to behold and he couldn't wait to see what fun they could have together. For now he set aside his desires, dressed quickly and casually and headed to his truck for his weekly trip to the city to pick up the few essentials he couldn't live without. Driving along with his reliable radio blasting his favorite music, he tried to figure out how best to make it up to his precious girl and so, once reaching the city, his first stop was the flower shop to begin his campaign.

Walking into the bright airy premises, it always amazed Brock just how successful this place had become. Browsing until the last customer completed their business, he then headed over to the counter where the owner and his oldest friend stood waiting with her usual smile. Explaining to Samantha the predicament he had landed himself in, she told him it would have been wonderful to see before she finally took pity on him and made up a special arrangement of roses, lilies and tulips. Agreeing to call back for them on his way home, he paid the bill then headed off on his other business hoping that this gesture would help thaw his beautiful little cricket. Two hours later, having finished up all that he needed to do and collecting the flowers with a warning from Samantha not to screw things up, he drove back to the park somewhat more chipper now that he had parts of a plan in place. Parking in the employee car park, he took the flowers to the reception desk and asked Annie to place them in room 37. Then returning out to his truck to begin removing his purchases, he waited to see if his apology would be accepted.

Stepping out of the shower feeling totally invigorated after your wonderful hike and the glorious shower, you dried off, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and stepped out into the living area to be greeted by a beautiful bouquet of freshly cut flowers. Looking around the room and finding nothing disturbed, you went to the door and peeked out into the hall and not seeing anyone around, shut the door and headed back towards the coffee table. Looking at the arrangement before bending down to inhale their heavenly scents, your eye caught the card poking out between the flowers. Reaching out to pluck the card carefully from the vase, a mixture of emotions worked their way through your body as you read the words displayed before you.

Rummaging around in the recesses of your mind for any explanation for the words staring back at you, your hand dropped the card and you contemplated throwing the vase, flowers included, at something when your mind latched on to the early morning events. Not knowing how the stranger had found out your name or which room you were staying in, the sheer audacity of him to think that you should be sorry for dumping his smug ass in the river made your blood boil and erased the peace and pleasure of the morning's activities. Still as you tried to calm down and remember that you were here to enjoy yourself, you instead decided to throw away the card and pretend the beautiful flowers were simply part of the room's decor. Finally happy with your decision, you picked up the activities pamphlet once again and glancing through it decided that the afternoon art class might be just the thing to distract you from the arrogant stranger who twice now had intruded on your peaceful vacation. Heading off back down to the lobby, you stopped by the cafe for a brownie and a coffee before asking for directions to the art class. Being told how to get there by the polite guy behind the counter, you paid for your items, left a generous tip and headed off towards your next adventure.

Talking to Annie and discovering that the flowers had indeed been delivered to the correct room, Brock sat in his office trying to figure out what miscommunication had occurred this time round. Having watched you grow up and mature through the years as you visited the park, first with your parents and then sometimes on your own, he knew you to be a kind and thoughtful soul so he had to figure in the half day that you had been here you couldn't have that many people to apologize to.

Ringing through to reception, he inquired as to what the occupant of room 37 was up to, but when no one was able to shed any light on the matter, he figured he would simply have to allow the whims of fate to hopefully bring you back to his presence. Finding himself particularly frustrated at the events taking place around him with little to no control over them, he headed off to the lodge's gym to try and work off some of the tension making itself at home in his muscles. Of course he could use the equipment in his own quarters, but his parents had taught him that not only should he know how everything around the lodge worked, he should also keep himself in the trenches and thereby better understand what their guests and visitors needed and thus help cultivate an all-round better vacation experience.

Heading off to the gym fifteen minutes later, all thought of working out was pushed from his mind however as he passed the art room and got an eyeful of the exhibition within. Sure he couldn't see much of the naked male model below the assembled easels, but he could clearly make out Missy's ethereal form sitting on the far left gazing at the man before her as her hand moved back and forth across the canvas. Remembering his parents words and seeing an opportunity to spend some extra time with you, he gave up on his workout, moved away from the door and taking out his phone, dialed Elaine and told her of a change of plan for the art class. Then heading to the changing rooms, he stripped down, slipped on an available robe and waited for Julius to be dismissed.

Sitting around and fine tuning the drawing you were working on while the instructor Elaine explained that another model would be taking over, you were the only one shocked when a new guy took the podium and removed his hooded robe to reveal the stranger you had dumped into the river that morning. Choking on the couch that caught in your throat, your cheeks heated up as your eyes focused in on his package and he winked over at you when his eyes followed your gaze. Giving a jerk of his hips that he was certain you had seen by the way the pencil dropped from your hand and how flustered you had become, he smiled to himself as he got comfortable and continued to be the bane of your existence for the next hour until Elaine called time on the class. Removing your drawings and ducking out quickly from the room, you made for the nearest exit and breathed in some lungfuls of much needed air. Meanwhile back in the art room as Brock thanked Elaine and Julius for letting him sit in, he now took pleasure in the fact that he clearly had an effect on you.

Heading off back to your room when your breathing was once again under control, you tried to figure out how this stranger, whose name you didn't even know, always showed up when you were trying to forget about him. Deciding now that the remainder of your evening was a total bust, you headed to the dining room for dinner before retiring to bed with a good book. Ordering the pasta and following Russell, the maitre d to a table by the window, you then ordered a delicious red wine and set your sights on the evening view beyond the glass. Watching families taking photos, couples and strangers getting to know each other around a campfire and children running around being children, you were pulled out of this wonderland when a waitress appeared with your wine.

Meanwhile, walking into the dining room to check on things as he liked to do, Brock caught Jennifer leaving your table and the view that greeted him took his breath away and tightened his pants. Discreetly bringing your glass to your nose and inhaling the pleasant aroma, you sniffed a few more times, taking longer each round. Finally pressing your lips to the glass, you took a sip and allowed the rich bouquet to settle gently in your mouth. Holding it carefully on your tongue as the flavor assaulted your taste buds, you were so wrapped up in your own little world, you had no idea that your actions were being so closely observed by someone who couldn't help but wonder how it would look and feel to have you pleasure his cock the way you did the wine. At last coming out of his fantasy as you swallowed the liquid inhabiting your mouth, Brock excused himself from Russell's presence and headed off back to his quarters, vowing one day soon to recreate the vision he had just experienced.

Thanking Jennifer once she delivered your meal, you tucked into the delicious spaghetti not knowing that your earlier actions had been interpreted as a glorified sex act. Still eating in peace and enjoying every single bite, you headed back to your room afterwards and curling up with the latest romance novel, lost yourself for a few blissful hours in its pages before laying down in bed and closing your eyes. Hoping that tomorrow would prove a more relaxing day, you had no idea as you drifted off towards sleep that somewhere under the same stars and roof as you, a dark haired, hazel eyed walking god was currently using his hand to relieve the tension a day in your orbit had fostered within him.

Waking the next morning feeling fully rested, you showered, dressed and decided to forego breakfast in favor of a little kayaking. Figuring that no strangers could upset your day out on the water, things took a quick nose-dive when you arrived at the kiosk to discover your mystery stalker doing sit-ups on the ground a few feet away. Deciding you were sick and tired of this complete arse ruining what was supposed to be a relaxing vacation, you swiftly headed back to the main lodge and stood in line at reception to be assisted. Finally approaching Annie, you explained to her that while it was not your intention to cause trouble, a guest was causing you to feel very uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if management would do something about it. Assuring you that the matter would be dealt with, you told her you would be in your room awaiting their response. Half an hour later however everything you thought you knew evaporated like steam when you opened your door to discover your strange stalker standing before you.

"Hello Missy, I heard you were looking for me. Mind if I come in?" he asked with a little smirk, though he made no attempt to move forward.

Standing looking at him with your hand on the door, you quickly found your voice as your senses returned to you. "Yes I do mind actually. You have spent the last twenty-four hours showing up everywhere I've been and as a result I have reported you to management. Now, I don't know how you got my name or what made you think I asked to see you, but it would be best if you left before the manager arrives."

"Well in that case, how about I do you one better and get the owner?" he asked before reaching out his hand to you. "Brock Rumlow at your service. You really don't remember me?" he asked with slight disappointment evident in his voice.

Flitting your gaze back and forth between his face and his outstretched hand, the cogs began turning in your mind and a vision appeared before your eyes of you as a child playing on the swings with a boy a few years older than you. Reaching out your hand to shake his, your voice began working again as you asked him for identification before stepping aside to grant him entry.

Closing the door behind him as he walked over to the couch and made himself at home, a thousand questions assaulted your brain, but you figured the best course of action was to order something to calm your nerves before dealing with the hunk of muscle before you. Waiting for the drinks to arrive, you took a seat on one of the chairs opposite and played with the hem of your top while Brock occupied himself with admiring just how flustered his presence made you.

Eventually getting up to answer the knock at the door, he thanked the waiter and poured each of you a glass of wine before offering you yours. "Here cricket, this should help with those pesky nerves." he grinned before sitting back down on the couch.

Taking a huge gulp from the glass, you then set it down on the table before facing him. "I wouldn't be nervous if you didn't keep stalking me. And stop calling me cricket." you snapped.

"You never had a problem with it when we were children." he interrupted. " What's happened Missy? Where's that carefree, nature loving girl who stole my heart when I was twelve years old?" he asked, now moving closer to you.

Looking up at him as the sands of time shifted and took you back to that memory, you smiled slightly at the image of that tender boy who had shown you so many wonderful sights around the park. Pulling yourself back to the present and the now grown up adult in front of you, you no longer saw the stranger who was out to ruin your vacation. "I guess she just needed someone to show her the way back." you answered shyly as you topped up your glass and sat down beside him on the couch.

Catching up on all the things that had happened in your lives through the intervening years, two bottles of wine later found you and Brock stretched out on your bed talking through why both of you were still single. Explaining that he couldn't find anyone to capture his attention or understand his love of nature, you were shocked to realize that you too had a similar experience.

Opening your eyes a few hours later to discover you had fallen asleep on your bed in Brock's arms, you thought once more of the fun you had as children and the feelings that friendship had nurtured within you. Sure you would never admit as much to him, but the love he had for nature and the care and generosity he showed to everyone around him were qualities you had looked for in potential boyfriends. Looking at his sleeping form, you had to wonder if fate was playing a hand in your love life right now but swiftly shoved that thought aside when a pair of hazel eyes met yours and a hand reached up to cup your cheek.

"Hey there Missy, you're a sight to wake up to." his groggy voice greeted and you couldn't help the giggle that left your lips as he pulled you closer and threw his leg across yours. Closing his eyes once again as you snuggled into his strong chest and warm embrace you drifted off once more wondering how a childhood acquaintance could stir such feelings in you all these years later.

Finding yourself jolted awake an hour later, Brock once more showed you all his favorite parts of the park before dragging your tired body back to his rooms and ordering up some dinner. Watching you eat while you told him more about your job and your deep seated desire to leave the city, he couldn't help himself when you raised your glass to have a sip of wine. Telling you of the vision he had the evening before as you sat in the dining room, you gulped down the beverage as your eyes moved along his body and your mind traveled places it hadn't been in a really long time.

Continuing on with your meal as Brock dropped hint after hint about what he'd like to do to you, you gave as good as you got even though your panties gave away the fact that he was clearly winning. Finally finishing up your meal, Brock rose from the table and holding out his hand to you, asked if he could show you the other place that owned his heart. Agreeing apprehensively as you expected him to lead you to his bedroom, you were both shocked and surprised when he opened a hidden door and led you into the most glorious personal library you had ever seen. Covered in floor to ceiling bookshelves with double doors leading out to a balcony he conveniently told you connected to his bedroom, the two comfy chairs by the fire along with the beautiful mahogany table completed the look.

Taking your hand and leading you further inside, your eyes scanned every inch of the room as his hands and lips began roaming over your delicate skin. Moving up towards your ear as your head fell back against his shoulder, the words whispered by his glorious lips sent a shiver down your spine. "Tell me to stop Missy or I'll make you mine forever."

Thus far too lost in the majestic splendor all around you to take much notice of the look of pure adoration Brock was sending your way, Missy now turned around in his arms to face the man who was slowly working his way into her heart. "I . . . I can't Brock. This vacation was meant to be about me finding time to relax and rediscovering what was missing in my life." you breathed out as his lips and hands continued to play your body as if they'd known it all your life.

"I think we've both discovered what's been missing in our lives, cricket." he whispered, though the acoustics in the room allowed you to hear every word perfectly. "Let me worship you the way you deserve and if I fail to rock your word, you can go back to the city and forget this ever happened."

"And otherwise?" you questioned, wondering where his thoughts were leading him.

"If I deliver," he smirked, "you come live out here with me. We're not far from the city anyway, you said you hate it there and it sounds like your career allows you to work from anywhere." he reasoned

Thinking over this proposal you had to admit, you were intrigued. Living in nature and working away from the city sounded like a dream, but to also have someone like Brock dangled in front of you as a potential lover, now that just seemed like icing on your cake. Trying to think as his fingers began worming their way under your top, your breath hitched and all coherent thought left you as Brock zeroed in on your tits.

"Of yeah." you breathed out as his fingers kneaded your bra-covered mounds and his lips made themselves in the sweet juncture between your neck and shoulder. "That feels so good. Please don't stop." you moaned out as your fingers found their way into his hair.

Pulling back slightly to work your top off your body, it was now his turn to moan at the glorious sight standing before him. With two perky mounds delicately wrapped in midnight blue lace, he couldn't help but give voice to that old saying. "You know, it's been said when a lady wears lingerie this sexy, she expects it to be seen."

Giggling at this remark as his hands moved down to cup your ass, you leaned forward and taking his lower lip between your teeth, bit it gently before moving your hands along his t-shirt covered abs. Feeling the chiseled structure beneath your fingers, Brock looked amused as your brow furrowed while you thought about what you wanted to do next. Leaning forward to place his forehead against yours, Brock didn't help all that much as he tried to egg you on. "Go do it Missy, you know you want to."

Moving your hands once more along his stomach, you winked up at him before placing your hands in front of his throat and successfully ripping his t-shirt down the front. Squealing as this shocked Adonis picked you up and laid you on the rug in front of the fire, it was now your turn to be surprised as his lips descended on your left breast and his hand grabbed hold of the right. Moaning and writhing beneath him as his own incoherent babbling joined you, all sound was replaced with incessant giggling as he began rubbing his stubbled face along your body. Continuing until you were a laughing, tear stained mess, Brock then moved back up your body to worship your breasts the other way but this time his free hand began to work on your jeans. Moving your hands to help him out, he bit into your flesh and when you yelped and slapped his arm playfully, he grabbed hold of your jeans and pulled them apart.

Now kissing and licking all over your panties, he couldn't hide the smirk at the noticeable moisture present there and as his tongue worked you closer and closer to the edge, you screamed to the high heavens when he moved back abruptly and pulled you from the floor. "Blast it Brock, what are you doing? I didn't tell you to stop."

"I know Missy, but maybe you'd treat me to a dance before I ruin you forever." he said as he walked away towards a sound system you only now just noticed.

"No no no . . . You can't. Brock. Do me." Missy whined as he paused to glance over his shoulder to gaze on your near naked form.

"Oh my sweet cricket, how could I deny you anything?" he asked and you would later suspect that all he had been waiting for was you to give in to your desires. Walking back towards you, he lifted you up and this time placing you on the table, began rubbing his jean-clad crotch against your panties. Watching you lose yourself all over again, you decided you had enough however when he leaned forward and kissed your lips before leaning up on his elbows and telling you it was getting late. Finding the same strength you had the previous day, you reached forward and swiftly undoing his belt, successfully maneuvered his jeans and boxers down his legs before reaching out to grasp his semi-hard dumbstick. Hissing as your fingers closed around his shaft, you swatted his hands away as you sat up and began running your hand along his member while it was now his turn to moan above you.

"Oh fuck cricket. Where'd you learn to do that?" he asked as you flicked your wrist before moving down to cup his balls.

Giving a squeeze as you ran your tongue along his neck, your hand returned to his cock as your lips settled by his ear. "Wouldn't you like to know. Now, do you know what to do with that thing or would you like me to show you?"

Laughing that he was getting to see more of that fire he so admired about you, he swiftly removed your panties and running his fingers through your folds, was not at all surprised to find them and you were utterly soaked. Replacing those same fingers with his cock, he moved it back and forth along your pussy a couple of times before plunging it and his fingers into your flower and mouth. Smirking at you as you just lay there, breathing through your nose as he used you how he saw fit, you now knew how it felt to be stuffed to the point of pain and it felt good. Finally removing his fingers from your mouth, you gave voice to the pleasure he was pulling from you as he flipped you over and held your legs as his plunging rod pushed you nearer and nearer to that glorious finish you knew was just within reach. Instinctively knowing you needed a little more, he first decided to have a bit more fun.

"You feel that Missy? Feel what you do to me? Is this what you pictured yesterday as you sat in class ogling my package?"

Biting down on your lip both to keep from crying out at the building pressure and to not answer his question, you stopped being capable of much when he wrapped your legs around his waist, pulled you almost off the the table and held your waist with one hand while his hips pistoned into you at a faster pace. Now grasping the table as best you could while chanting his name over and over and over again, you were shocked that you didn't pass out when his fingers connected with your clit and your walls clamped around him as a powerful orgasm flowed through you.

Whimpering from over-stimulation as he continued to chase his own release, you came once more before you realized Brock still hadn't finished. Begging now for him to stop, he promised you could give him one more, which is exactly what you did as his balls clenched, his thrusts became erratic and you both came to the feeling of warm streams hitting your walls while your release gushed around his still twitching phallus. Easing himself out of your still trembling flower, he picked you up bridal style and carrying you gently to the bedroom, continued into the attached bathroom and turning on the shower, proceeded to wash you both before tenderly laying you down on what felt like a bed of clouds. Whispering words of love as he held you close, you drifted off to sleep in the arms of your childhood friend who years later reminded you that the dreams we dream as kids sometimes do come true.

Tagging: @saiyanprincessswanie

[speedypandaweasel]

Change of Plans - A Yancy x Neutral! Reader

❤ REBLOGS WOULD BE APPRECIATED ❤

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 MASTERLIST

Where we left off:

So much for a lie in. You slowly rose from the cocoon of warmth you had made for yourself and you felt your toes wriggle up the bed and hiss at the exposed coldness of the room. Dragging yourself out of subconsciousness, your eyes finally decided to greet the grey interior and the black-barred window that perched just out of your arms reach. Why would they put such a tiny window if they didn’t want anyone to look out of it? Pretty pathetic actually. The Penitentiary really needed to repaint the bars, some of the black paint had flaked onto your pillow whilst you were sleeping.

You sat up, a little too quickly, and a cold, hard sensation hit the top of your body. Well good morning to you too World.

The unbearable ringing continued as you brought your arm down onto the squawking alarm clock. The room fell into a comfortable silence once more. 7:30am, not too bad, yet it could have been a little longer. Yet it was as if someone decided to balance a massive book on “how to not have a headache” on your already sore head. You’d ask Boggs for some paracetamol, or maybe some Ibuprofen as you tried to ponder on what did you do to deserve this...

~ Chapter 5 ~

MatchBox Analysis - 2.3K Words

"I'm here to speak to Officer Boggs." You timidly spoke, playing with the hem of your shirt. The man that towered in the small door frame in front of you was the most intimidating of all: Officer Rexx.

There were rumours about him that were too obscure and dangerous to mention twice, You only happen to hear about them when you overheard a couple of prisoners talking about "the anniversary" of how he lost his previous job, whatever that meant. To be frank, you didn't want to know about whatever hell hole he wriggled out of and treaded on eggshells around him, even if you weren't speaking to him. Something about that man caused you to feel insecure about something that you couldn't point your finger at, but there was no doubt that it was there.

"Yeah, he's in here." He paused for a moment. "You're one of the newer ones around here, aren't you? I've seen you around but never had the pleasure to meet."

He stuck out his grubby hand, his sausage fingers extended shortly at you, waiting for you to touch them. You grimaced before wiping that expression off your face. Rule 1: Never acknowledge the fingers.

You stuck out your hand bravely and shook his greasy one. His strong grip tightened around your knuckles as he shook hard, almost breaking your frail fingers.

"Well, I'll just go get him. Stay there." He spat. The door firmly closed behind him, the staff room's view blocked once again. You peeped through the mesh windows and managed to decipher the blurred silhouette of the sofa and coffee counter. You backed away as the door swung open again to the familiar face of Officer Boggs, his much shorter height made you relax second by the second.

"Oh hi Y/N, shouldn't you be outside?" He asked before shutting the door behind him, leaving the both of you outside in the wide hallway.

"Well I am, but I forgot to give you this from last night." You replied, planting your hand into your pocket before pulling out the owners key. Boggs let out a chuckle as his rosy cheeks grew even merrier.

"I forgot I gave you this! I'm glad that at least someone doesn't take my naivety for granted" He continued. "I respect that about you."

He unhooked the jingling keys from his beltline and clipped the Cafertiera key on the chain. He had a proud collection of keys to his name - being a veteran member of the Prison, it did have its perks.

"Well thank you, I really appreciate that Boggs. You know, sometimes I don't feel like I fit in here myself." Sounded cliche, you internally facepalmed yourself. Normally you wouldn't be telling this to anyone, but Boggs had been there since forever so it was nice to tell at least someone your true thoughts about staying here.

"Oh now don't think like that, every prisoner when they first come in her feels like that, but don't worry, I'm sure that the others will welcome you soon. Have you tried talking to them? I know you're not the socially inclined person but give it a shot. Who knows? You might actually enjoy their company" He concluded.

When Boggs gave advice, it could go two ways: either it was incredibly awful which ended in bad decisions being drawn from it, or it could be genuinely heartwarming and sincere words of wisdom. Thankfully, this was one of those pieces.

You allowed yourself to run over the speech the superior had just given and smiled. You could spark up a conversation with Yancy, you could ask him about what that poem meant! Maybe that could be the starting point of breaking out of your introverted shell.

"Thanks Boggs, I really do appreciate you." You said, before heading off outside.

"Have fun! But not too much fun, I don't want for you to get hurt!" His yells sounded down the empty corridor.

The mid-day sun blazed down on the steaming concrete, the prisoners having that work-out glow. Yancy had rolled his short sleeves even shorter, exposing his lesser-known tattoos, and his private box was stuffed in his trouser leg conveniently, away from the guard's view. If anyone found out what was in this box..well, it would ruin him.

Racing became tiresome after a couple of hours so the prisoners resorted to lazily running laps around the small quarter, this included the songbird himself.

"I tell's ya T, you wanna stop off for a few minutes? this box is gettin' uncomfortable." He protested, shifting his weight from one foot to another, finding a comfortable spot in his trouser leg.

"Why, you chickening out? Scared that someone will beat your record?" T retorted.

The prisoners slowed to a stop. Yancy regrettably paused his track game and attempted to get his ragged breath back.

"No ya dingus, it's 'cause dis box is scratchin' my skin off! I swear I's bleedin' down my shin by now."

Tiny's retort turned into concern as they pulled over to the side of the quarter. Once out of sight, Yancy slowly rolled his trouser leg up to his shin and took out the small, worn-out box from the bottom of his leg.

"Your leg hasn't been sawed off Yance, but you sure you need to keep it there? You could hurt yourself."

Yancy chortled shortly, not willing to admit that his friend was right. After what happened last time, he was going to learn from his mistakes. He rubbed his fading ankle bruise as he remembered the time he stayed in the medical ward. But the question was: where was he going put the little thing?

His eyes scanned the usual nooks and crannies that he had hid stuff in before, but word somehow got out and now everyone was using them for their secret stashes. Great - so much for having the upper hand.

His eyes continued to look for somewhere to stuff the thing until his ears pricked up on the outside door swinging open. His frustrated face broke into a smile as he saw you walk out timidly, and perching on a weight bench.

"Here, can youse hang on to it for a hot minute, just don't open it alight," He said, his curious eyes never leaving your sight.

Tiny was startled. The Boss never let them hold anything of his, let alone the one thing he persistently never left out of his sight. Tiny slipped the matchbox into their shoe before taking a squat down the brick wall as they watched their mate stride over to the newbie, but chose not to follow suit.

You picked at the seat cushion like it was the most interesting thing ever to you, whilst plucking up the courage to go and talk to the most confident person out here. Your eyes managed to look up. partially blinded from the sun but saw the small huddles of prisoners near the water pitches, walking around, or down by the blind spot. Guards stood at every entrance broadly, letting people in and out of the area, their moist uniforms made you wonder how the hell they managed to keep composure in this heat.

Your moment abruptly came as you saw the man of the hour coming towards you, his wide shoulders fully exposed to the heats rays. You knew he worked but w-w-wow.

"Finally decided to join in the fun eh?" He sprung up the conversation.

Chuckling, you look down, embarrassed and in amusement "And I'm guessing that this is the newest trouser look. Is this asymmetric chic? or is this just you trying to use illusion to become taller?" You threw a double whammy at him.

Yancy's shocked eyes bored into your own mischievous ones for a brisk moment. Suddenly, he exaggeratedly placed a hand on his chest before crumbling to the grass floor. "Oh de pain! I can't bear it anymore! Not another short joke!"

Other people around the quarter edge were starting to laugh along with his flailing and happily applauded when he finished his piece. The cheering and jeering died down as the conversation drifted back to normal, as Yancy dragged his trouser leg down and sidled up next to you and he bumped his hard shoulder next to yours.

"What a Drama Queen." You continued, letting out a small smile.

"What can I's say, I got's to get ma training in somewhere." He replied "So how's it been with you? Finish dat book yet?"

It was as if he read your mind! The topic of the poetry book caught your attention as you chipped away at your social shell. "Uh, not yet, but I did want to ask you a couple of questions about poem 19. You know, the one you recommended I read?"

The prisoner stretched his arms and placed them behind himself. "Oh yeah! It's one of ma favourites! I personally thinks its about de good and bad sides to love and once you've actually caught feelings for someone, it pains you to do things dat even surprise yaself. Youse got me?"

You would have never known that Yancy had a passion for literature, just listening to him made you even more dedicated to spending time with him. Boggs was right with his advice, it didn't bruise your ego that bad to socialise with new people, as it made you question what other things the man had up it sleeve - or trouser leg.

You rephrased yourself, "Ok then Yance, do you read poems often then?" your feet started to dance around the grassy floor, flattening pieces of green.

"So do you analyse poems often then Yancy?"

The man interrupted you "Oh please, call me Yance, only the big dog calls me Yancy."

"I used to when I was a youngin', my family hads a nice library ya see. Dey's had Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and some oder authors I can't remember but when youse a fabulous actor like myself, you gotta keep up ya noggin' in check." He smiled and looked out onto the busy area, almost reminiscing about his past life.

He never liked to bring up the subject of his past but when Yacny was with you, it felt- right. To finally talk about childhood memories and just laugh about them, instead of it always being dragged back to the soul reason why he was locked up at Happy Trails in the first place.

His strong arm planted on the side of your small shoulder as he gave you a tight squeeze. "How about youse? Do you read?"

"I-Uh... I"

Words formed in your mouth, yet your tongue was on holiday, not responding to any sentence your brain was throwing at you. Butterflies were born in your stomach as your face started to feel warm, too warm for your liking. What was happening? Were you having sunstroke!?

"Youse ok? Ya looking a little warm d'ere" Yancy said, dropping his arm from your side. "Youse want me to go grab you some water?"

This signalled your tongue to finally come back to work. "Oh. No, I'm fine thanks and yeah, I read, that's what I was going to ask about you actually." You said, forcing confidence.

"No way! Heh, I guess great minds think alike huh?" He replied, grinning his addicting smile. He looked over to where he left Tiny and an idea sprung in his scheming mind. "Hey, youse wanna come over to the wall, I got's a friend who you could meet. I mean, only if you wanna?" Yancy laughed, trying to sweetly coax you deeper into socialisation.

You hesitated. This man sure was alluring, but risking another episode like that caused you to reconsider. You bit your bottom lip, slightly, your eyebrows became sewn together as you weighted up your options. Either go over and run your social battery out completely, or decline and recover from this moment.

"Thanks Yance, but I think I'm done for the day." You responded. "All this talking and warm heat" and maybe some other things "has made my head spin a little."

"Ok, well if youse's sure." Yancy stood up once more and punched your shoulder "See you around Keys!"

You saw him walk back to his mate and sit down together under the shade of the building. You blissfully made your way back inside of Happy Trails, back with you and your own thoughts.

Its blasting air conditioner made your arms tingle as you pulled out a chair in the Cafeteria and went to reach for the poetry book. The silence hung much thicker in the air as you sat uncomfortably. Is this what withdrawal felt like? To be isolated not a minute after being surrounded by people. You kind of missed the feeling of having someone to talk to, but everyone had their boundaries - even you. You tried not to linger on the thought of feeling like you let Yancy down. He gave you the opportunity to help you overcome your fears but you didn't take it. Maybe next time you would take it, but for now, you did something new today: You should be proud of yourself.

You scanned around at the empty chairs and tables, the occasional guard whistling by the Cafeteria's door frame before you brought your head to the window. Your eyes soon spotted Yancy sashaying around with his friend. They must have said something funny because he soon showed his pearly whites, his chest rising and falling as his strong hand clutched his chest. Your eyes couldn't tear themselves away from this scene. The jailbird was the only person who actually tried with you. Smiling to yourself, you looked back up and your breath hitched. He was looking directly back at you and giving you a small wave. His smaller companion followed suit, shooting their hand straight up, frantically joining in. You sheepishly waved back before opening the book from you left off.

"Missed me Y/N?"

[rpf-bat]

Scream Out ‘What Will Save Us?’

Pairing: Frank Iero x Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 15. Prompt: “Catharsis.” 

Your band just broke up, and you’re trying to force yourself be okay with that. But, when you visit Frank, at his home in New Jersey, he advises you to be honest with your feelings. You find that he has some things to get off his chest, too. 

It had been six months now, since My Chemical Romance broke up. You hadn’t done much since then, except move back to your house in New Jersey, and….sit there. For the last eleven years of your life, you’d drummed for a living, and life had moved to a frenetic pace. There was always another city to travel to, another show to play. But, now? Life was suddenly at a standstill. 

You didn’t have to do anything for a living now, you supposed. The royalties alone, could probably sustain you, for years to come. Perhaps a millionaire like yourself, had no right to complain. Bullets You would, after all, kill to have Current You’s problems. 

But, having lived at both extremes, you found that being functionally homeless, in a dirty van with your four best friends, was more enjoyable, than being all alone, in this spotless mansion. You hadn’t joined My Chemical Romance to make money. There were other things that mattered more - the joy of spending time with friends, who slowly became more like family. The creative fulfillment, of writing a piece of music, and then having ten thousand fans sing along with the tune. These were the things, that made your life meaningful. 

These were the things, that you had now lost. 

The Way brothers - who, up until recently, had felt like your own brothers - were still residing in Los Angeles. Ray, too, had stayed on the West Coast. You hadn’t seen them since the decision was made, to disband. You weren’t sure that you even wanted to. 

But Frank - good, old, loyal Frank, who had known you longer than any of them - was merely a few miles down the road. Perhaps today was a good day to pay him a visit. 

You called him on your cell, and he answered the phone, almost immediately. Like you, he probably had nothing better to do. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Frank said in a tired voice. “How are you doing?”

“Alright,” you shrugged. “Just bored, I guess. How are you?” 

“Not so good,” Frank confessed. “I’ve been having, like, the worst stomachaches.” 

“Oh, no,” you said sympathetically. “Do you want me to bring you some medicine?” 

“The doc says I have a bacterial overgrowth of the small intestine,” Frank explained. 

“What does that mean?” you asked. 

“It means your drug-store Pepto ain’t gonna do shit for me,” Frank chuckled bitterly. “I got prescription pills for it, but it still hurts like a bitch. Some company might take my mind off the pain, though.”

“So...I can come over?” you asked hopefully. 

“Please do,” Frank agreed. “It’ll at least give me a reason, to get out of bed.” 

You chose not to mention that, at two o’clock in the afternoon, you had yet to find a reason to get out of bed yourself. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Frank’s house was nowhere near the main road. You had to drive through nearly half a mile of trees, just to reach his front door. He had selected this property partially because he loved nature - and partially because hated people. 

You supposed you couldn’t blame him, for trying to avoid having nosy fans show up on his doorstep. The only person who always seemed welcome on his doorstep, no matter the hour, was you. 

You found him sitting on his front steps, his acoustic guitar in his hands. The melody he was playing drifted over the air, as you got out of the car, and approached him. 

“Is that...Disenchanted?” you recognized instantly. 

“,,,..Yeah,” Frank sighed, his inked hands ceasing their strumming. “Hi, Y/N.” 

“Hi, Frankie,” you frowned. “What made you decide to play that one today?”

“I don’t know,” Frank said sadly. “Doesn’t it feel strange to you? Knowing that we’re never going to play that song onstage again?”

“Or any of them,” you noted. “If I had known that set at Bamboozle would be the last gig we ever played, I would have tried harder, to make it count.” 

“You and me both,” Frank said wistfully. “But, anyway….it’s a nice day. Do you want to take a walk with me?” 

“Sure,” you nodded, extending your hand to help him up. “As long as you’re feeling up to it.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Frank assured you, groaning as he stood. “C’mon.” 

You followed him, around the house, through his backyard, and from there, into the woods, that sat behind his home. The trees were beginning to lose their leaves, and the sky has turned overcast, and grey. Summer, you supposed, was just another thing that wouldn’t last. 

“Careful,” Frank warned, “there’s a brook up ahead.” 

You saw that was what he said was true. The small body of water separated the hill from the valley, in the same way that a garotte wire separated a head from a neck. 

“Take my hand,” Frank offered. “I don’t want you to fall.” 

You found yourself blushing, as his calloused fingers, intertwined with your own. He pulled you up onto a rock, in the center of the brook.  

“Are we going to have to jump?” you guessed. 

“Yeah, but don’t worry,” Frank said softly, “I got you.” 

He leapt from the rock, to the other side of the brook. Still holding hands, you leapt with him. Just as he’d promised, you made it to the other side safely. 

“It’s just a little further now,” Frank assured you. 

“What is?” you wondered. 

“You’ll see,” he replied cryptically. He could have let go of your hand, but instead, he kept it held tightly in his own. You didn’t mind. 

“....Whoa,” you gasped, as you realized, that you’d arrived at your destination. You were at the top of a cliff. From here, you could see the whole city, stretched out before you. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Frank admired. 

“Yes!” you gasped. “Thank you for bringing up here! The view was totally worth the hike.” 

“I’m lucky as hell, to have a hidden gem like this, on my property,” Frank confessed. “I like to come up here sometimes, when I need to think.” 

“....What have you been thinking about lately?” you asked, sitting down on a boulder. 

“What happened with the band, of course,” Frank admitted, sitting down beside you. “I just….I don’t know. Gerard’s decision felt so sudden. It was like having the wind knocked out of me.” 

“Yeah,” you recalled. “It was like….it wasn’t fun anymore to him, so he just….dropped it. Like it was nothing.” 

“I’m not gonna pretend, that being in My Chem, was sunshine and roses all the time,” Frank acknowledged. “Sometimes, touring sucked.” 

“It did,” you admitted. “I hated the early bus calls, and the jet lag, that never seemed to go away. But, I don’t know. It was worth it, to go through all that, if it meant I would end my day, on a stage with you.” 

“I guess it wasn’t worth it to him anymore,” Frank frowned. “But, what can you do? You can’t continue a band, without its frontman.” 

“I guess our time was just up,” you shrugged. “All we can do, is move on.” 

“I know it was messing up his mental health, trying to write the new record,” Frank said, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “It’s not right for us to ask him to keep doing something that’s hurting him.” 

“You’re right,” you sighed. “It’s not fair, to risk causing him another relapse, or something, just because we thought the album could’ve gone somewhere.”

“But now, you and me?” Frank grumbled, lighting a cigarette, and taking a drag. “We’re not gonna go fucking anywhere.” 

“We’re right back where we started,” you realized. “Stuck in the same little town in New Jersey, where it all began.” 

You and Frank, had been in another local band, called Pencey Prep. That band had broken up, and then Gerard, had asked you two, to join My Chemical Romance. Even before you’d become a member, you’d known just from listening to the demos, that this band would be something special. They’d captivated every soul, in the shitty dive bar, where you’d gone to see them play. 

After you and Frank joined their ranks, things began to pick up speed so quickly. Local bars, turned into clubs on the other side of the state. And then you’d attracted the interest of a major label. And then, the next thing you knew, you were playing in fucking Japan. Clubs turned into arenas. Obscurity turned into infamy. You’d done things, you never thought, you would have an opportunity to do.  It was a wild ride. And it was….over now. 

“It makes me want to scream sometimes,” you said honestly. 

“So, do it,” Frank said, exhaling smoke. 

“....What?” you blinked, staring back at him. 

“Go on and scream,” he suggested. “I mean, we’re in the middle of nowhere. Nobody’s going to hear you, except for me.”

“You’re serious?” you gaped. 

“Yeah,” Frank nodded. “Honestly? I think it would be cathartic.” 

He had a point - you’d been trying to hold a lot of emotions inside you, since everything went down. Maybe what you really needed, was to let them out. 

You went and stood, on the edge of the cliff, and looked out, onto the horizon. You took a deep breath, and tilted your head back. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”  you cried.

You turned back, and saw that Frank was laughing. 

“....Did that feel good?” he grinned. 

“....Honestly, yeah, it did!” you admitted. It felt even better, to see a smile on his face, for the first time today. 

“You should just...feel what you feel, Y/N,” Frank advised. “You say we’re supposed to move on, and maybe that’s the narrative the fans want to hear. Like, they’re sad that they’ll never hear their favorite band live again. And it makes them feel better, to think, well, the band members did this, because it’s what made them the happiest.” 

“But, we don’t feel happy,” you argued. “At least, not all of us do.”

“What do you feel?” Frank asked seriously. 

“I feel….lost,” you described. “Like, I don’t know what my next move is supposed to be. The whole world knew me as My Chemical Romance’s drummer, for pretty much all of my twenties. Now, I’m hitting my thirties and...I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where we go from here.” 

“Well, I know that I want to keep making music,” Frank decided. “Even if nobody else wants to hear it, I’ll play it for myself.” 

“I want to hear it,” you said seriously. “Did you write something recently?” 

“Yeah,” Frank said shyly, stubbing his cigarette out into the dirt. “I actually did start writing a song, the other day.” 

“Play it for me,” you pleaded. 

“I don’t know,” Frank blushed. “I wrote some lyrics, but….you know I don’t have the gift for singing, that Gerard does.” 

“You sang in Pencey,” you reminded him. 

“Yeah, that was twelve years ago!” Frank scoffed. “Who knows if I even remember how?” 

“I know you can do it,” you encouraged him. 

“The lyrics, they’re not all that nice,” Frank warned. “I didn’t write them to be radio friendly. I just wrote them, because I needed to get the thoughts out of my head.”

“You needed your catharsis,” you nodded understandingly. 

“Yeah,” Frank sighed. “But….if you really want to hear it, Y/N, I’ll play it for you.”

He took out his guitar, and set it on his lap. Hesitant fingers plucked the strings. You listened, with rapt attention, as he began to sing: 

Some things change but they don't get better

I'm so sick and so tired of trying to tell them that

I'll never do it, no I'll never make it alone

But pay no mind, it fades in time

Don't we all?

Someone I love threw me away 

Someone I love threw me away

Someone I love threw me away

But I don't mind, no I don't mind at all

“That’s bullshit, Frank,” you interrupted. “You do mind.” 

“.....Of course I fucking mind,” Frank snapped. He looked up from his guitar, and you realized, that he had tears in his eyes. 

You moved over to where he sat, and pulled him into a hug. 

“It’s okay,” you told him gently. 

“It’s not,” Frank shook his head. “I gave my blood, sweat, and tears….my heart and my soul, to that band. I thought you and I were going to be in My Chemical Romance for the rest of our lives.” 

“What, like Mick Jagger?” you tried to smile. “Rocking out, even in his sixties?” 

“I don’t know,” Frank said, burying his face in his hands. “Maybe I’m the stupid one, for thinking that something like that, could last forever.” 

“You’re not stupid,” you said softly. “The truth is….I wanted it to last forever, too. It was the best thing I’d ever done. And now, I don’t know what else I can do with the rest of my life, that could even come close.” 

“If I decided to play that song, in front of other people, someday,” Frank asked, “would you play the drums for me?” 

“Of course,” you promised. “Frank, I’d jump at the chance to get onstage with you again. You should know that.”

“I feel like I don’t know anything anymore!” Frank said vulnerably. “Everything I thought I could count on, is slipping through my fingers. I feel lost. Just like you said. And  I’m aching all the time, Y/N. What if you’re the next thing, that I lose?” 

“I’ll never leave you, Frank,” you vowed. “It’s been you and me, from the very beginning. I couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have you in it….in one way, or another.”

“You met me when you joined Pencey. But now, for the first time in my entire life, you’re not my band mate anymore,” Frank choked. “So…what am I to you?” 

“You’re my best friend,” you whispered, pulling him close. “And you could be more than that, if you wanted to.”

“Wh-What are you saying?” Frank gasped. 

“Frank….,” you took a deep breath. “The truth is, that I always wanted you. I never told you how I felt, because I thought, if we got into a relationship, and broke up, it would destroy our ability to work together. But….you’re right. We’re not bandmates anymore. So, I have nothing left to lose. I...I love you.” 

“You….love me?” Frank repeated, eyes wide. 

“Yes.” You put it all out there. “Yes, Frank, you’re the one I love. And if you would have me, I swear to you, I would never throw you away.” 

Frank surged forward, grabbing you by the collar, and pulling you in for a passionate kiss. Your startled mouth was suddenly full of his tongue. It felt so good. 

“....Frankie!” you gasped, pulling away. “You...you actually want me back?” 

“Of course I do,” Frank breathed. “It drives me absolutely fucking crazy, that we’ve both been burying our feelings this whole time, to protect a career, that no longer exists.” 

“...Then at least I still have you,” you whispered, and pulled him in again. He tasted like smoke and desperation. 

His body pressed against yours as he kissed you harder, pushing you down, against the hard rocks. His hands found the buttons of your blouse. 

“....Frank,” you stopped him. “We should go back down, to your house, if we’re going to do this.” 

“You’re right,” he chuckled. “My bed is a lot softer.” 

“Take me there,” you begged, laying your lips on him again. 

“Oh,” Frank promised, “I’ll take you all night.” 

[anystalker707]

I’m always yours

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader Genre: Fluff Word count: 2 338 Requested by @thunderpurple (who apparently got their account deactivated, but I hope they read it anyways) Summary: Reader is a famous singer who dates Gerard and writes a song about their relationship.

"What are you smiling about?" The sudden question pulls me away from my thoughts. I hum questioningly at first – Gerard's curious face is the first thing I process, eyes flickering over me in an attempt of understanding what's in my mind. He sits on the couch across from mine, his elbow over the couch's arm while he supports his chin on his palm.

"Oh," I say when finally understanding the question, adjusting my position – with the motion, my pen almost falls from my lap, but I'm able to catch it. "Erm, nothing," I answer with a smirk, raising my eyebrows lightly, demonstrating I'm just not telling him about it. Certain frustration hits me as I look down at my notebook – it seems like half of the ideas I believed to have written down didn't even leave my mind.

Gerard doesn't seem like he's giving up soon, furrowing his eyebrows as pouting lightly. "Is it about me? You've been observing me way too much." He stands up from the couch to sit down beside me, but I close the notebook and set it between me and the armrest before he does so. "That's not fair," he complains, eyeing the notebook with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yes, it is," I chuckle and place a kiss on his cheek. "I love it when you're sulky, you get all cute. Not like you're not cute normally, but you get it," I smile, watching him try to put on an angry look, but he ends up blushing. I can't help but to chuckle again, pulling him for a kiss.

"Agh, ew, no fucking on the couch." A sudden voice says and we pull away to see Frank opening the fridge – and most likely having entered the bus without us having noticed.

I roll my eyes with a small lazy smirk, deciding to joke, "you don't even know what happens when you're not around."

"And I'll be happy if it continues this way." He takes a bottle of water in hand, shooting us a playfully reprehending look as making his way out of the bus again; Gerard and I laugh at him.

"Aren't you going to tell me what're you doing?" His head rests on my shoulder as Gerard looks at me from under his lashes. Grinning, I shake my head. He sighs, defeated, and adjusts his posture. "Okay then," Gerard shrugs nonchalantly before leaning in for another kiss.

He must think he's very smart, doesn't he? I can feel the exact moment his hand reaches for the notebook, but I immediately slap it away, shooting him a look once breaking the kiss. "The more you try to see it," I tell him, narrowing my eyes, "the less I'm convinced to show it to you. You'll find out soon enough." With last peck is pressed to his lips, I grabbing the notebook, planning to leave it back in my bus.

"You're no fun," Gerard presses a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm not supposed to be," I tease, standing up and reaching for his hand. "C'mon, I changed my mind, I was just gonna leave this in the bus and come back, but we're not continuing inside here. I want to stretch my legs and I'm tired of staring at a TV or at the wall, the bus makes me feel suffocated." I chuckle seeing him roll his eyes, though agreeing. Maybe some time together will help me having an inspiration.

We grab a coffee from the café of the gas station and take a seat on the concrete step in front of the convenience store, observing the cars passing by. It's quite peaceful – the sun already set itself, so the sky has this golden shade in the horizon, slowly fading into a grayish blue which contrasts perfectly with the clouds, which still have a pink tinge. A stronger breeze hits once in a while, making a few of Gerard's strands cover his face – he hooks them behind his ear just for another breeze to send them flying again. The frustrated grunt he releases makes me chuckle.

"Wait, don't move," I say as getting my phone off my pocket. Doing as said, he hums questioningly. "You look beautiful, all aesthetic," I saw as opening the camera app, taking a few pictures of him. He furrows his eyebrows a bit in a wordless complain, but doesn't do anything to stop me either. Once I lower my phone, he nods towards it as if asking to see the pics.

"Ah, no, wait a minute," I say, changing the camera to the frontal one and moving closer to him – leans in, his cheek brushing mine as I snap another couple of photos. "Imma post these of us later," I hand him the phone to see the pics like he asked earlier, leaning a bit closer to him to see it too.

"Not the others too?" He asks curiously, returning the phone.

"Nah," I shake my head, "these are for personal archive." His scoff makes me grin. "I don't share every pic I take of you, Gee," I let my cup on the ground to be able to hug Gerard, pecking the side of his face. "I can't expose too much what's mine, even more with so many people wanting too," I mutter against his skin, the corners of my lips curling up into a smile seeing him blush – knowing I can make him blush is just amazing.

He hums softly in a mockingly judging tone, turning his face so his lips meet mine. "You do a great job," Gerard mutters on my lips before locking them in a short, sweet kiss. "But don't worry, whether near or far, I'm always yours."

~

Besides blood, lot of thoughts flood my head as sit upside down on the couch, looking at the nothing. Gerard needed to do whatever, so, with him away, it's the best time to try to write this song. I just want it to be a surprise.

Ray approaches, eyeing me curiously before taking a seat too, about a foot away from me and my guitar – which's actually Frank's, one he lent me earlier. "Why are you sitting like this, kid? For how long have you been like this? You'll pass out." Certain concern is mixed with his confusion, though most of his attention is turned to the phone in his hand.

"'Waiting for inspiration to come." I say as sitting upright again. The room spins under my gaze for a second, but it quickly goes back to normal since it hadn't been long since I had decided to sit like that. "I'm writing a new song," I explain, taking the guitar back on my lap again. "It feels like all my ideas slip away just because I need one then, when I notice, I'm just staring at a white paper waiting for the ideas to show up, y'know?"

Ray chuckles a bit as glancing at me, his curls moving as he nods. "I understand completely. Good luck, tho," he shoots me a smile.

"Thanks," I smile back, playing on the guitar what I've written until now. Turns out I end up finally finding an idea and, getting too engaged on writing the song, I just notice how late it is when the Gerard and Mikey are walking back inside the bus.

"Don't you have your own bus?" Mikey asks playfully, nudging my foot with his before sitting down across from Ray and I.

"Ah, sometimes I forget I do," I set my guitar laying on my lap as throwing my arms over my head to stretch myself. "But I wasn't supposed to be here yet, I just got too carried away..." Seeing Gerard's hand furtively reaching for my notes again makes me interrupt myself, slapping his hand away. "You're so stubborn!" I furrow my eyebrows at him, shooting him a look as standing up.

The guitar is left in a corner, against the wall, and I sigh dramatically, my notebook safely hugged close to myself, "how Mikey's being so rude, I'm already leaving. 'Hope y'all have fun without my illustrious presence, then." My words make Mikey and Ray hum or scoff sarcastically – I throw my nose in the air while walking away, stopping in the last moment to look back and laugh with them.

"Let me go with you," Gerard says as following me, taking my hand in his. He blushes lightly at the peck I give him before we continue walking.

By the time the tour is over, the song is completely perfected – with a little fixing here and there in the lyrics, melody and adding a few other instruments. I smile as listening to the final result, all happy about it. Today completes exact five years since I met Gerard – I remember clearly internally freaking out when meeting him and the calls until four in the morning we started having not long later – so it's obviously the best day to release the song.

I'm anxious about posting it, mostly about Gerard's reaction; I never told him what was the song about and when I was releasing it. Breathing in deeply and exhaling to make myself calmer, I decide to finally post the announcement of the single. First on Twitter, then on Instagram, both with the same caption – I've been working on this song for a long time; it was difficult summing up in five minutes everything (or almost everything) between me and the love of my life, but here it is.

I bite back a grin as placing the phone inside the pocket of my hoodie – that's actually Gerard's, but I'll just return it when it doesn't smell like him anymore and grab another, maybe one of his green jackets – and look for Gerard around the house.

Gerard's in the kitchen when I find him, preparing himself a mug of coffee. Not saying anything, I simply observe, quietly moving to the counter, leaning forward with my hands on the cold surface. He takes a quick glance at first before looking at me properly, humming quietly in acknowledge to my presence. Grabbing his mug, he gives me a peck on the lips in his way out of the kitchen.

He's most likely returning to his office, since there's where he was when I last checked, not long ago. I wait for a moment before following him, but I find him in the living room and wait until he goes up the stairs. Again, after a moment, I'm already after him, however, I almost jump three feet in the air when turning around the corner and seeing Gerard there – he eyes me unamused, sipping on his coffee.

"Why are you following me?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

I blush, playing with the hem of the hoodie's sleeve. "Ah, um," I think for a moment. "It's a big house," I shrug, remembering the excuse he gives when following me around my house or his own – he always walks in the room about a minute later and blushes, getting all fidgety, when finding me staring at the doorway, waiting for him with a knowing look. "I feel alone...?" It ends up sounding more like a question and I try to crack a convincing grin in the end.

He chuckles softly as stepping closer, pressing a peck to my lips, leaving behind the bitter taste of coffee. "You can stay in the office too, y'know," he raises an eyebrow at me, nodding towards the said room. "I also enjoy your company."

I'm about to agree when it suddenly comes to my mind – maybe he'll check his phone when getting back there and I don't want to be around, watching his reaction to the song. "Ah," I look away, stepping back again, "no, actually, I'm fine," I force a grin, ignoring his questioning gaze. "I'll go watch something on the TV."

Before Gerard can question me, I'm already turning around and going down the stairs, throwing myself on the couch once in the living room. The TV ends up turning into just another detail in the background, losing my attention to my phone as I read the comments on the new song.

There are these hate comments as always – most of them are attacking me about for just wanting to use Gerard and MCR, which simply doesn't make sense since I was already famous before meeting them and our relationship didn't come out to the public until about a year ago.

People started suspecting about it and the media was also annoying a lot, trying to figure out the truth. So, in an interview to MCR and I before a concert I was opening for them, when the interviewer asked us about it, I just kissed Gerard in front of the camera and walked away. I remember how Gerard just shrugged at the guy and followed me while Frank watched with a grin – he had already figured out about us by himself – and Mikey and Ray stood there containing amused smiles.

The comments do make me feel bad sometimes, but I believe people would like it to be in my place, so I try to not bother too much. There are the people who actually like me, above all, and who support us together. Not like we need their approval, but that's it.

Arms being wrapped around me suddenly pull me away from my thoughts – I blush as coming back to reality and remembering everything, shrinking a bit while Gerard covers my face with kisses. "Gerard!" I say through a chuckle, in a reprehending tone, interrupted when a last kiss is pressed to my lips.

"You're the best," he says, kissing me deeply before giving me a chance to answer. "I love you so much, you make me feel so special, you're literally the best thing that ever happened to me." Once again, he kisses me.

As much as the kiss is good, I pull away a few seconds later to answer. I grin sheepishly, "you too, Gee, I love you too."

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 120: The Beetle at Bay

The place felt weirdly small and cramped despite the fact there were only eight teenagers inside. The air smelt strongly of coffee, and Lily got a firsthand account as she landed on top of a booth and got the hot drink splashed across her lap for it, and she prayed they came across another dorm room in the castle to get the stain out of Alice's skirt. Sirius disrupted the lace as he smacked the window, Alice was brushing sugar out of her hair from an overturned table, and they all had pink confetti in every crease of their clothes from circling golden cherubs above as they got wearily to their feet, but none immediately recognized the place.

"Well, we're in Hogsmeade," Sirius offered, nose still pressed to the rain pattering window as he recognized the street and even Scrivenshaft's down the ways a bit. There was something odd on the window though, like a huge poster of someone moving. It didn't look flashy enough to be some new advertised product. It was raining too hard, and he couldn't get a good view to see it. He'd have liked to just go over there and hear the chapter from that store, but Alice already gave the door an experimental tug to no avail. "I just don't recognize this place," the scandal in his voice was eye-roll-inducing to the four non-Marauders. Even knowing exactly how they knew these grounds so well with their monthly romps with a werewolf didn't make their pigheaded assurances they knew every inch of this place feel less annoying.

"I suppose it stands to reason they'd add a few more buildings in time," Peter offered, wandering behind the counter and offering if anyone else would like a drink. He spotted the book in the booth behind Evans, the large black volume wasn't hard to miss in this place of reds and pinks, but nobody made a move towards it straight away. That last, horrible lingering sentence as heavy in the air as the brewed beans. They'd put it off for a bit and try to breathe the strong scent instead. "Let's just hope it wasn't Umbridge getting a foot out in this place," he added in disgust.

Lily didn't think it a particularly good idea when Pettigrew began handing out the highly caffeinated coffee to everyone, those boys didn't need any extra energy, but she was also starting to feel a little fatigued herself, and they weren't even slightly showing the same. Their sleep schedules were a bit off now, this would definitely do some good.

She slunk off to a corner booth by herself, deciding to leave Alice and Frank be in this clearly coupley place as Pettigrew handed them his first batch with a smile, and she watched in fascination once more as Potter and Lupin began quietly asking Sirius Black how his side was doing. He brushed off their concern with a grin that looked natural, not at all his usual haughty demeanor.

Regulus Black went shuffling behind the counter and began browsing through some of the pastries available, while Pettigrew surprised her by placing a mug down in front of her, she still somehow accidentally kept overlooking him when he'd been walking right towards her. He called over to Regulus though and the two joined the other three, Pettigrew had even grabbed the book on his pass through the place and read out the strange chapter title. Beetle at Bay? The only beatle that came to mind had to do with Rita Skeeter, but what could she be doing back here?

All conversations were silenced as he read the horrible opening, both somehow a good and bad thing all at once. The good news, they didn't have to wait and wonder what had made You-Know-Who so happy. The bad news?

Everything else.

The ten escaped convicts, and what they'd been in Azkaban for, plus blaming it all on Sirius.

Somehow Peter had remembered from the one time Remus had come over and last tasted coffee he'd hated the stuff, and had slipped him hot chocolate instead. It was this little detail that made all the difference to him as he alternately blew and sipped on it watching Peter read that awful article, seeing the color bleeding back out of his face and how very aware all of them were it wasn't Sirius those Death Eaters had more in common with in this future.

Regulus shifted imperceptibly closer to him, hiding his own face with his long hair as he put far too much care in stirring the drink with a biscuit. The other three just chose not to acknowledge the moment and shifted restlessly in place, but the fact that none of them left the table or punched Wormtail was the best improvement he could currently have asked for.

Lily startled and nearly spilt her piping hot drink back into her lap when Frank and Alice joined her anyways, she sliding in the booth beside her and Frank across, both still cradling their own lurid pink steaming cups.

"Oh, you don't have to," she quickly tried to say, even though she wouldn't deny for a second their mere presence comforted her from thinking of that ghastly white-haired version of the kind faced girl beside her. "You can have an alone moment without me always hanging around."

"You're not bothering us," Frank scoffed at the notion.

"We've loved your company," Alice quickly agreed, "I only wish we'd talked more before all this began." She went a little red at the end though and stammered a bit, before stopping herself from saying anything else and wincing as she took a too-fast sip and scalded her tongue.

Lily sighed and looked back out the window, she knew full well why Alice and Frank had barely been on passing terms with her, the same as the rest of the school, and it wasn't because they were a year above her. Her association with Severus put her in the same bad company as those friends of his, no matter how much she begged of him to be rid of them as well, nobody in school wanted much to do with her because of him.

The most uneasy silence that had yet passed between them festered as Pettigrew read through Umbridge passing yet another ludicrous Decree, stopping the teachers from talking about anything but their own subject in light of this news. The following DA lessons that were the subsequent of this as well lit the couple's face with such pride and admiration for Neville's response that she felt almost dirty sitting next to them.

Her and Harry's father were barely on speaking terms. Her best friend made Harry's dreams and scar problem quantifiably worse, and now Ron was even voicing the thought Severus's motives were clear to no one, no matter how much Hermione continued assuring Dumbledore trusted him, that should have been good enough for everyone.

It only gave her a few more feeble rays of hope their wise headmaster must know something they didn't. He'd already been wrong before though during Harry's life, and she'd been having her own doubts long before now.

Finally Harry was setting out on his date with Cho, and Alice wasn't going to let Lily keep stewing in such thoughts that had her face puckered up like that when she should be enjoying hearing about Harry on his first date just like all of them were hoping to get a laugh at.

"Lily," she reached over and kindly put a hand on her arm, smiling wider when she didn't even attempt to shrug her off. "We're not going to stop talking to you when we get out of this, even if you do keep talking to Snape."

Lily winced for the 'if', was it so obvious even she was having doubts? She listened mournfully as Pettigrew began describing Harry and Cho's light conversation about Quidditch and watched as Frank began pouring heavy amounts of creamer into his coffee and then casually reaching over and doing so for Alice as well, then she turned back to watching Potter as he started trying to stack all of their finished drinks, and then go around fetching more cups with laughs and further challenges to his task from his friends.

"I've noticed you've been a little easier on him lately," Frank offered as he followed her wandering eye and offered a change of subject.

She snorted and immediately turned away as if she'd been doing no such thing, but Alice had a teasing smile in place now and a quirked brow to stop her from denying any such thing.

"He's still an arse," Lily said at once, summoning a biscuit to her from the counter and dunking it into her now cool drink. "Just because he hasn't gone around cursing us every time we've annoyed him during this doesn't mean he'll stop doing it the second we get back."

"Maybe, maybe not," Alice agreed passively, but there was still something in her tone that hinted she was holding back laughter at Lily's insistence of this. She hadn't told them of where she'd been that full moon night, how he'd let himself be separated from Black just to protect her like that- She flushed in frustration and gulped at her drink, unable to deny even to herself she'd been watching him quite a bit lately. So she found the arsehole had some fascinating layers and wouldn't mind dissecting him to see what some of those were now, he was still an arsehole first.

The name of this place was finally given to them, Madam Puddifoot's, how frilly, but Harry's date was quickly growing more memorable than even this quaint shop, as the poor teen blundered one disastrous answer after another with Cho, until finally she went out into the storm, in more tears than the rain could do. Regulus found himself watching in pure fascination, making a mental list of things he now at least knew not to do.

"Well, I finally don't feel so embarrassed about our first date," Frank chuckled a bit into the awkward silence.

"I told you not to worry about that darling, natural selection would have done that bird in," Alice laughed.

"What's this?" Sirius swiveled curiously in his seat, a dangerous decision as the cups were now listing precariously towards him, and he had a galleon going this would last until the end of the chapter.

"Butt out Black," Alice said quickly while Frank blushed slightly.

"Good luck with that," Remus snorted softly.

"He's always been the nosy one," his little brother quietly agreed.

"He doesn't just keep up with the school gossip for Moony's sake, don't let him tell you otherwise," Peter agreed without looking up.

"Why do I put up with any of you?" He asked in exasperation.

Alice was laughing even harder at the exchange by the end, a stark contrast to Hagrid's dour mood and still not revealing how he got those injuries.

"So, should I be jealous?" Frank finally swooped in and saved Lily from getting anything further directed at her, as his girlfriend fell back into chuckles and looked to turn back to the redhead. "Don't think I haven't noticed him flirting with you." He lovingly teased.

"I wouldn't leave you if Viktor Krum walked in the door right now," Alice assured, blowing him a kiss.

Lily was smiling fondly at the exchange as the beetle was finally explained, and indeed it was referring back to Rita Skeeter, having a rough go of life by the sounds of her description. As Hermione blackmailed her into helping, and Luna Lovegood all pulled together to put Harry's story out there his way, the boys were being such a loud mess it was a wonder if they could hear him at all as each were chanting at Peter to either hurry up, or slow down in his reading as the tower of cups was now tilting this way and that dangerously.

Finally, as they were teleported out of sight, they were all laughing at the show no matter the outcome.

[yourcoffindoor]

Bulletproof Heart Pt.2

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Prompt: Request from Anon- “ could you write one where the reader is a rock singer and they and mcr are on warped tour together, and they both lowkey like each other but think they’re both out of each other’s league, and find out that they’re both secretly into nerdy stuff + maybe getting together?

TW: Mentions of an abusive relationship.

AN: The plot thickens. Sorry for the delay in uploading <3

Enjoyyyy <3

That night after everyone had stumbled back to the bus in a tipsy stupor, you couldn't shake the thought of your encounter with Gerard from your brain. And what's more, you hated yourself for it. For awhile you tossed and turned, hoping the unwelcome feelings you had would fade to nothing so that you could fall asleep at last.

But your curiosity got the better of you, and there was only would person who could give you the answers you were looking for.

"Hey Gavin, are you still conscious?" you whispered from your bunk. You heard the rustle of sheets moving in response.

"Hmmm?" a low and sleepy sound of acknowledgement answered.

"I'm just wondering...what do you know about Gerard Way?"

As soon as the words left your lips, Gavin's curtains swung open with superhuman force.

"Y/N are you in love with Gerard Way?!" Gavin's voice was no longer tired, having morphed into a sharp and excited whisper. In addition to being the band's social butterfly, he always knew the gossip about everyone within a 20 mile radius.

"Christ, really Gavin? We only spoke for like fifteen minutes."

"So it was like a love at first sight situation?"

"You are so annoying, I swear to god."

"Do you want info or not?" he threatened.

You sighed. "Fine, yes I do."

Gavin cleared his throat as if preparing for a presentation. "OK, so everyone has something good to say about him, seems like a really genuine guy. I've heard he was in a long term relationship for ages, but its been broken off for awhile now. "

"Hmm," you murmured, trying to sound indifferent, "yeah he seems like a sweet guy."

"Yeah and every girl with a pulse seems to be after him. You got some competition out there." he teased. "But seriously, if you're interested you should go for it. You deserve to be happy, Y/N. It's been three years since...you know who."

Gavin didn't say his name, but he had said enough to bring on a wave of sad memories. "Thanks. I'm uh, feeling pretty tired, so... I'm just gonna get some sleep."

"G'night." Gavin said softly, as if aware he had brought out long buried and very unwelcome feelings.

You rolled over in your bunk, pulling your blankets up over your head, unwilling to dwell on the memories that had been drudged up by only a few words. Three years ago. That's when you finally had the strength to break it off with Alex.

You were a different person when you met him. It was your first relationship, and you were naive and forgiving, unable to see the dozens of red flags that should have made you run away from it all.

You had answered an ad that he had posted asking for potential band members for a punk band he was forming. It had been your dream to pursue music, and you responded right away, hoping you'd hit it off. You weren't expecting Alex to be so damn attractive, and when your audition was successful, it was only a matter of time before a relationship began to develop between you.

He was older than you, more experienced, and eager to take you under his wing where he could have the most control. You mistook his over-protectiveness as a sign of love, and he slowly cut you off from people outside of the band, leaving you isolated and dependent on him.

Eventually he would get angry if he saw you speak to any other man. He took your phone regularly so that he could look through it, questioning you about anything he didn't like. The fights you had were loud and ugly, your voices rising and crashing like cantankerous bursts of thunder. Eventually, they became violent.

You were stuck in a cycle of affection and fear, held there as if caught in a tide that would never bring you back to shores of sanity. But you did eventually find the strength to get out when your friend reached out to you, offering you a place to stay. You packed your bags that night and didn't look back.

Your band was not just a career for you, it was a symbol of healing, proof that you were able to overcome it all and strike out on your own. You rolled over in your bunk, and pushed the unwanted memories aside, reminding yourself of the promise you had made to be the best damn band on Warped tour. Nothing was going to change that now.

x x x 

Your first performance went by in a haze of adrenaline and sweat. The crowd was young and eager to see what you had to offer, and you were all to happy to give them something they'd remember for a long long time.

There were several people in the crowd who were fans already, proudly wearing your band's shirts and mouthing along to all of the lyrics. Others were slowly converted, headbanging enthusiastically by the end of your set. When the band's final song was met with deafening hoots and cheers, you'd felt like you'd accomplished your mission.

"We fucking killed it!" Gavin declared as he slumped in the nearest chair, exhausted.

"The crowd was good, huh?" you beamed as you wiped the sweat from your face, still breathless from your onstage antics. "Let's hope they're all like this."

"Can't get any worse than our first show ever, remember?" Liz laughed as she recalled the groups early days. "Never had so much beer pelted at me in my life."

People milled about as you and your band mates caught your breath. A few musicians from other bands popped in to say hi and let you know that they enjoyed your performance.

"Hey you actually made it!" Gavin jumped up from his chair as he noticed a new face entering the backstage area. "Guys did you meet Frank last night? From My Chemical Romance?" A man with wide hazel eyes gave a quick wave from the the entryway.

"This guy was goin on and on about how you guys were the best new band on warped tour. Had to see if he was just full of shit."

"He always starts bragging when he's drunk." you rolled your eyes.

"Well, I'm glad he did. You guys put on a pretty kick-ass show. Plus Gerard really wanted to check it out."

Your heartbeat, which had only just settled from jumping around on stage, began to speed up again.

"Gerard?"you asked softly, caught off guard by the mention of his name.  You didn't see the familiar black haired boy near frank. You only saw Gavin attempting to give you a discreet wink, which you returned with a harsh glare.

"Yeah actually we were all there. Mikey and Ray had to run to another show. Don't know where Gee disappeared to though," Frank craned his head, looking around at the hustle and bustle that was happening permanently everywhere on Warped tour. "Ah, there he is. Gerard!"

You saw Gerard, surrounded by a small circle of fans, each holding something they wanted him to sign. You felt a strange pang when you noticed they were all pretty girls, and Gavin's words from last night came back to haunt you. You got some competition out there. You struggled to identify just what emotion was suddenly eating away at you--were you really jealous? Or was it the realization that even if you decided to make a move, it was probably hopeless?

Gerard nodded at Frank. "Be there in a sec!" he shouted, continuing to sign autographs until he had gotten through everyone.

Frank spoke with your band mates, but you were too distracted by the knowledge that Gerard had watched you perform to be sociable. You were anxious as to what his opinion would be, but tried to push it out of your thoughts.

You watched nervously as Gerard spoke to Frank and Gavin, noticing that he would glance over at you every so often. When your eyes finally met he gave you a nod and a warm smile. You gave yourself an internal pep talk to try and stay calm. You can just be friends, you don't need to do anything except be friendly. For the love of god, act normal.

Eventually he made his way over to you,offering another soft and lopsided smile,but his time it almost seemed as if he was shy. "Great show. From one lead singer to another, your band has a fucking killer sound."

You thanked him, grinning like an idiot while cautionary alarm bells went off in your head.

"I might be a bit biased though, because of the shirt your wearing."

You looked down, having forgotten what you threw on that morning. It was one of your favorite shirts,  a short sleeved tee with the X-Men symbol emblazoned on the front. You'd had it for years, as evidenced by the smattering of small holes peeking through the bottom edge. Oh no, you thought, he likes comics too?

"You're a fan?" you asked coolly, a stark contrast to the giddy panic that was building up inside you.

"Yes! I actually wanted to make comics before My Chem was a thing." He spoke animatedly, his round hazel eyes widening even further. "But life had other plans. Not that I'm complaining."

That familiar heat rose in your cheeks. This conversation was dangerous, and you were trying desperately to fight the feeling that this man was something close to perfect.

The world around the two of you became an insignificant blur as you both discussed comics at length, and you hung on every word, taking turns revealing how you first discovered them and sharing your favorites. He even recommended a few titles that you had never heard of. His demeanor was passionate and lively, entirely different from the sullen boy you met the night before.

"I uh, I'm actually working on a comic at the moment," he began, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, suddenly bashful, "If you're interested you should stop by the bus sometime--"

Gerard's eyes focused on something just behind you, and you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder. You turned and felt your stomach drop to a sickening low. There, standing next to the drunk who was hitting on you last night, was your ex-boyfriend Alex.

"What are the odds!" he smiled at you, blank looking smug beside him. You found yourself at a loss for words.

"What...what are you doing here?"

He scoffed. "Ouch Y/N, is that anyway to say hello? I'm here for the same reason you are." He turned his attention to Gerard. "I'm Alex. Y/N and I used to have a band together back in the day. Well, a bit more than that actually." He smirked at you, instantly transforming any butterflies you had felt while talking to Gerard into pure revulsion.

This was your worst case scenario, and it was one you had never even considered to be possible. Seeing his face again made you freeze up, and you were at a loss for words. You looked up at Gerard through your eyelashes, wondering if the dark and overwhelming swirl of emotion inside you was showing on your face. His brows were furrowed ever so slightly as if he could sense that something wasn't quite right.

"Nice to meet you," he replied curtly before turning his attention back to you. I'll uh, let you catch up. I'll just be over there with Frank...if you need anything."

You merely nodded, too caught up in your feelings to respond properly. "I'll catch you later then."

Alex saw this opportunity as a chance to reach for an embrace, but you stepped back and out of reach.

"Just what the hell are you doing?"

"What are you implying? I'm just dropping in to say hello before Midnite Heist performs later. I'm their new drummer after all. I can't even do that?"

"No," you said, struggling to maintain a low voice, "You can't. I told you I never wanted to see you again. We may be on the same tour, but that doesn't mean you can approach me. Don't try it again."

He laughed, clearly embarrassed to be spoken too like that in front of his band mate. "If you're trying to get with that Way guy, don't bother. You're punching way above your weight with that one."

You took a moment to steel yourself, and decided to walk away rather than let thing turn into a scene. Before you turned to leave, you offered one final warning.

"I haven't forgotten what you did to me. Speak to me again and you'll regret it."

You walked off, hearing mocking 'Ooooh's from Alex and Brent as you left. You saw heads turning in your direction as you stormed away towards the bus, including Gerard's, but you couldn't be bothered by that now- not when you were struggling to keep it together.

Fuck Fuck Fuck your internal monologue looped on a bitter repeat. This was going to be the longest tour of your life.

[yaya-does-things]

Raihan x reader: Wonderful

Oh geez. Here we go. So like this is my first fanfic on here? I’m just vibing with Pokemon right now and Raihan is my man, soooooo yeah, hope this is entertaining enough oop

Word count: 5053

Warnings: just some suggestiveness???

Warm rays of sunlight flowed into the bedroom from a single window, hitting the dresser with a glow of yellow. The crystal bottles filled with fragranced liquids lining the countertop shone pastel blues and yellows, reflecting those colors through them onto the wall. The rest of the room wasn’t as bright, the small desk and chair still basking in the darkness in the corner. The bed radiated only a slight amount of the light, only the bottom edges filled with its warmth. 

Perhaps this was a reason for the sudden stirring from underneath the blue sheets of the bed. The slight warmth could be felt on their toes, legs shifting to be tucked closer to their cool form. Their torso flipping from one side to the other, arms moving above their head to be tucked under a plush pillow. It wasn’t until the shift of their face from the darkness to the rising light that their features also moved. A bat of their lashes. A twitch of their nose. The move of a hand to run through the messy tresses of their hair would let tired eyes open. A blink or two, then closed again with a scrunch of exhausted annoyance. Their torso moved again, shifting to the darker side, hoping to fall asleep once more. 

A few moments. A sigh. Then, the dark eyes of the girl lying on the bed opened. She rubbed at her face, moving her hair from her eyes as they started to focus. She was facing a wall, her eyebrows furrowing at this knowledge. She quickly sat up, instantly regretting her decision as soon as a pounding headache came flooding into her skull. She flung her hand to her forehead with eyes squeezed shut. The pain was unbearable, but the unfamiliarity she possessed was her priority. She slowly opened an eye. Then the other. Her hand was still in place, the pounding in her head not easing in the slightest. She looked around the room. Slowly. Nervously. She saw a grey dresser sitting near the bed, the light streaming in from the window across from it, allowing the dresser to bask in its brightness. She looked across from her, noting the posters and picture frames lining the wall. The glare from the light made the glass frames impossible to see through. She noted the desk with papers scattered across it. Then to the chair, tucked neatly into the desk, and yet, saw something that made her head ache much more than it already did. A bright red bra hung from the edge of the chair. 

Her bright red bra. 

The one she had been wearing the night before.

Then the fuzziness in her head cleared up for a moment as it finally dawned on her. 

“Oh no.”

With a swift snap of her head to the right, disregarding the pain in her skull, she finally acknowledged the figure soundly sleeping beside her. The blue bed sheet was draped up to his chin, his dark face looking peaceful with his eyes shut. To be frank, she found him beautiful. 

But that didn’t change anything. 

She had slept with him. 

Of course she couldn’t remember the previous evenings events. She must have been drunk out of her mind. Which brought her to the conclusion of the unceasing headache. She groaned, rather loudly, and quickly covered her mouth. She looked over to the sleeping man beside her, hoping her sound was not loud enough to cause him to stir. She waited for at least a minute. After what felt like eternity, she decided he would not wake up, and sighed in relief. She stared at him for a while longer, wondering how in the world she could have ended up in this position. 

How did they meet?

Why could she have agreed to be taken home?

Was he at least good?

Her mind yearned for answers, but the pounding did not help as she searched for any possible memory of the night before. Then a decision was made. She needed to leave. 

She unwrapped herself from the, quite honestly, soft covers, her naked form disgusting her as she carefully moved a leg over the edge of the bed. The other soon followed, and slowly, she slid herself off of the bed. 

Now. For the harder part. How to find her clothes as quickly and quietly as possible. 

She headed straight to where she saw her bra, swiftly grabbing it from its hanging position and fastening it to her body. She looked to the rest of the room, noting the mess it was in. A pair of socks near her foot. A black shirt on the dresser. Blue boxers with small dragons on them lying near the foot of the bed. Then she noted her own pair of underwear, seeming to have been thrown on the lamp shade without a care. The only problem, it was right near the man on the bed, who she quite honestly did not want to wake at all. 

She slowly tiptoed over, feeling as if each step was getting louder and louder the closer she approached. She stopped once she was right near him. She reached for her important article of clothing, carefully sliding it off without making a sound. She deemed herself successful when it was in hand, but forgot the small detail of the man beside her. He flipped his body to face where she was standing, her half naked self still presented in all of its glory. She released a small yelp from her mouth and quickly threw a hand over her lips in horrified surprise. She glanced down at him, seeing that he was still, in fact, asleep. Yet another sigh of relief was released as her hand slid down to her chest. And here, she could get a good look at the stranger. 

He was what anyone would call the embodiment of “tall, dark, and handsome.” From what she could see from the parts of him that wasn’t covered with the blanket, he was fine as hell. A toned chest, arms that definitely showed his muscles, and the sharpest jawline she could ask for. His hair was long, but tamed, simply pulled back into a bun where an undercut was also visible. She noticed the small hole on each earlobe, noting the fact that he most likely wore earrings.  

To say the least, she had no idea why she would run away from such a fine specimen. He was an ideal man that she would love to wake up to every morning. How she ended up tangled with him was a puzzle she still needed to piece together, but seeing him sleeping so peacefully made her think over her decision of leaving.

Perhaps staying wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe something could start between the two of them. Maybe, if she slid back into bed with him and he woke up, something could spark up. Obviously, it would start as an awkward encounter, but perhaps it could lead to something. Something real. 

She stared for a few moments longer, a hand subconsciously reaching out to stroke the side of his face. Her index finger was only a few inches from his cheek when she retracted it. She sighed. She knew better than that. Knew better to not expect anything to come from this. They both were most likely too drunk to know what they were doing. They were strangers anyway. She didn’t even know his name. So how then could she stay? No. That’s why she knew she made the right decision. She had to leave before anything she didn’t want to encounter would jump out at her. 

So, she quickly found the rest of her articles of clothing, each one seeming to be in a different room of the apartment. Her bag was thankfully hanging on a hook on the wall near the front door, all of her belongings thankfully accounted for. She slipped on her heels, opened the front door, and exited the apartment, leaving without a second glance. 

~~~

Arriving home was the easy part, but entering… Now that would be hard. As a person who lived with a roommate, she would not be let off easy for staying at someone else's home. She didn’t want nor need her roommate to ask stupid questions, especially not while her brain was still a painful mess. But, once that front door was opened, dread already entered her system. She entered slowly, poking her head in first, then swung the door open to let herself in. She felt slightly better as she saw no sign of her roommate. Kicking off her painful heels, and placing her purse on the kitchen table, she smiled to herself in triumph in avoiding her roommate. 

“What’chu smiling about?” 

She jumped in shock, finding her roommate leaning against the stove with a coffee cup near her lips. An eyebrow was raised as well, waiting for an answer. 

“Noth-nothing. I’m not smiling. Why would I--” A groan left her lips as a wave of pain re-entered her head. She raised a hand to rub at her forehead. Her eyes were squeezed shut. An annoyed sigh could be heard from her roommate. Then footsteps, a sound of a cabinet opening. Objects being moved around, and then the closing of the cabinet.

“Here.” She was handed a pill as she reopened her eyes, her roommate filling up a glass of water to also give her. She flushed down the pill gladly, hoping her headache could ease up with its help. “Geez (nickname), you really need to take care of yourself.” Her roommate sighed as she passed her to sit in the living room. (Nickname) followed, her water in hand.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.” She sat across from her roommate, looking down into the glass. 

“So. Are you gonna tell me or not?”

(Nickname) looked up to her roommate, who gave the same questioning look as before. 

“Well, I mean, I would Ness, but….”

“But what?”

(Nickname) gulped.

“I don’t really know what happened myself.”

Ness shook her head in disbelief.

“Are you being serious right now (Name)? You got so drunk that you can’t even remember? I looked for you like crazy. I called you I don’t even know how many times. I worried about you, and now you’re telling me you can’t even remember where you went?”

(Name) looked back down at her glass, feeling ashamed, but allowing herself to start to get upset as well. 

“You didn’t need to worry about me Nessa! I’m a big girl! I can make my own decisions, okay? And…” a snippet of the events from the night before flashed in her head, “and it’s not like you even cared about me when we were out!”

“Excuse me?”

“You were doing your own thing! You left me alone to dance, especially when you know I wasn’t in the mood to be there last night! So of course, I had a few drinks, and-and when that-that guy, when he offered me another drink, I couldn’t say no!”

“Yes you could’ve!”

“No! I really could not have.”

“And why not?!”

(Name) paused. She remembered the beautiful sleeping face of the man from earlier, then regained a blur of him from the night before. 

“Because... He was the most attractive person I’d ever seen.”

She turned, her face filled with a look of wonder. The image of him was returning from last night. She recalled his smile being rather charming. And how his eyes contrasted his dark skin in the prettiest hue of aquamarine. And how his outfit accentuated his lean figure, giving off a sophisticated look that also left room for the imagination of what could be underneath. She remembered sitting alone at the bar, a hand holding her chin as the other circled the brim of her martini glass. He had politely asked if the seat beside her was taken, waiting before she nodded to sit. She had sat quietly for some time before he turned to her and asked if she would like another drink. Turning her head to him in confusion and blinking twice with large eyes, she responded with a rather awkward yes, receiving a chuckle from him. Showing his lovely smile.

With this short glimpse, she looked back to Nessa, who was leaning forward and looking at (name) as if she was trying her hardest to imagine what she was thinking. (Name)looked up at the ceiling, then back to her roommate, all the while opening and closing her mouth several times before she finally spoke. 

“I’d never seen him before. We’ve been out so many times, that usually there is always the same type of uninteresting guys,” her eyes moved back to her glass, “But… he was different. He had this weird vibe. I noticed him when he first walked in, and just brushed him off, thinking he was definitely way out of my league. I mean, come on. Did you see him?”

(Name) returned to look at Nessa, who shook her head in response.

“No? Oh… well that’s beside the point. The point is, he looked like he was just another one of those arrogant assholes that always walk in a bar. The ones that are hoping to find some random dumbass chick who’ll be too ditzy to realize all they want is to get in your pants. But, that wasn’t how he was. You know what I mean?”

Another shake of the head.  

Then an annoyed sigh from the hopeful party. 

“He was different is what I mean. He didn’t just take the seat next to me like any other guy who didn’t want to pay me any mind. He was polite. He asked me. He waited for a response. And I was listening to his conversation with his friend,” -- Nessa shook her head in disapproval -- “and he didn’t sound like such a jerk. In fact, it seemed like he was uninterested in being there in general. Most guys are there to check out girls and to get slammed! But, he just sat there, sipping his drink. And then, he turned to me.”

She tucked her legs beside her, a slight smile playing on her lips as she traced the rim of her glass. She continued.

“He looked like he was bored,” -- she chuckled-- “but he asked if I wanted a drink. And it surprised me. And I guess my reaction was funny because I mean, he laughed. And, may I say, it was the nicest laugh I’ve ever heard.”

Nessa smiled at this with a shake of her head. She put her hand out in a stop motion.

“How is that even possible?”

“What?”

“It being ‘the nicest laugh you’ve ever heard’?”

(Name) covered her face from slight embarrassment. She laughed again.

“I don’t know!” she said, her voice becoming noticeably higher. She bit her lip. “It… It just was!”

“Okay, okay,” Nessa laughed. “Continue.”

“Okay. So… hmm,” she pressed her lips together in thought, trying her hardest to remember what happened after that. “Well, I mean, it’s obvious I got a drink. And…”

She looked to Nessa, her memory returning in slow glimpses.

“I remember him being incredibly sweet. We just sat there and talked for a while. I can’t remember what about… but I do remember him being rather funny, and frankly, I don’t think any guy made me laugh as much as he did.”

She smiled brightly, but was slowly replaced by a frown. 

“And then, his friend insisted on leaving, saying something about being pretty tired. He did look extremely out of it, but it seemed like the guy I was with didn’t want to go… and I didn’t want him to either. So, he excused himself and left. And there I was alone.”

(Name) stopped. She changed her attention to the outside, the curtains just open enough to see the bustling of the city. Nessa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Then how did you end up with him?”

She slowly turned her head back to Nessa, but her eyes were still trained outside. 

“I followed him out.”

Her eyes returned to Nessa.

“How? You said he left.”

“I sat there for a few minutes, contemplating on whether I should have gone or not. He did offer to take me home.”

“And he was still outside when you left?”

“Yeah… because he was waiting too. I guess he wanted me to follow… and I did.”

“And what about his friend?”

“I guess he got him a cab.”

“So… he just took you home?”

She paused. Then hummed in confirmation. 

“Why?”

(Name) trained her eyes back to the outside, her face stoic as she absentmindedly continued to trace the rim of her glass.

“I don’t know. I was curious as to what he would do…”

Nessa’s eyes widened in horror. She opened her mouth to speak, but (name) beat her to it. She spoke quickly, just as fast as her head turned once again to Nessa.

“He took me home okay? I wanted him to. Sure, maybe I wasn’t in my right mind to make that decision, but I still went. And… he was sweet. Sure he took me home, but he made sure I was okay with everything he did…”

Then it all came flooding back. 

There was the way their return to his home was almost silent, the soft sounds of lips tracing along different places on each other's faces and necklines. There was the way they exited their way of transportation, with hands wrapped tightly around the other as if either one let go, they would magically disappear. There was the way they entered his home, lips locked in such a passion that neither had ever experienced before. There was the difficulty to stay sane, with the warmth that they both emitted calling loudly to them in hopes of exiting their clothing as soon as possible. Then, there was the softness that they experienced as they explored each other, tender touches that were placed with each word of sweet praise. And to top it all, there was not only the lovely feeling of being at the top of the world, but there was warmth and the feeling of calmness as they laid in each others arms. Even with no strings attached, and knowing they were nothing to the other, there was still the feeling of closeness, and the slight tinge of what could be a grasp of love. 

All of this was rushing into (name)’s mind, but there was no way she could express this to her friend. She realized that this was hers, and perhaps she would keep it that way. And perhaps she might never see the beautiful stranger that she spent a lovely night with again, but that would not stop her from hoping. She would never regret what she did, because if she did, she would have to live with that burnden for the rest of her life, and perhaps keeping it as something she found wonderful was the best thing she could ask for. 

“Look, it’s okay. I’ve done this before --”

“I know you’ve done this before! And you really shouldn’t!”

(Name) sighed. She looked to Nessa with a slight look of sadness.

“Yeah. I know. Don’t you think I know that? It’s just -- It’s hard. No one ever seems to care about me. I can’t ever find anyone to care. But--but this time was different! I--I know it was. He was different. Out of all the guys I’ve found myself with, he was the one who seemed like he cared the most. He was soft and only did what I was comfortable with, and he was so sweet and...” -- Nessa’s expression softened, a look of pity now etched onto her features -- “...and maybe I’m wrong! Maybe… maybe you’re right! Maybe he was just using me. Acting like he was wonderful just to get what he wanted…” she gasped, looking away as her eyes glossed over. “Oh geez. Why am I so stupid?”

Her hand flung to her face, as she started to cry. It hurt her more than anything to see that not only had she been played, but that she had always been playing herself. All the times she found herself in someone else’s bed made the feeling of loneliness grow more and more. She knew she didn’t need anyone to please her, but she wanted something. Something real. Not just something that lasted only a night. And this, this thought only made her cry even harder.

As for Nessa, the growing pity grew within her. She had no idea how to comfort her because she knew deep down that she could never understand what her friend really wanted. She could never grasp the empty feeling that lay inside her. The only way of comfort she knew was to sit beside her and let her cry. A soothing hand was placed on her shoulders, and she waited for her to calm a bit. 

“I’m sorry (nickname),” she finally mustered to say, “I know that you feel like this, but I don’t think you should worry about it too much. Don’t you remember? You’re a strong, independent girl who don’t need no man. So…” 

Her words trailed into nothingness. She knew she wouldn’t be able to say anything else that would help. Only time could tell what (name) would do next, and honestly it frightened her. She didn’t want her friend to do anything irrational. She didn’t want her to make a decision that could lead to something she didn’t want. She cared about her too much. And so, with all the love she had for her, she decided to put it upon herself to help her out. To give her someone she herself could approve of. But… who?

~~~

It had been a few weeks since that morning. A few weeks since (name) had cried over the realization of her loneliness. A few weeks since Nessa decided to take it upon herself to find someone sufficient for (name)’s needs. 

It was easy enough finding people for her, as being a gym leader led to knowing a lot of people. She had set (name) up with the leader of Turrfield, her close friend Milo. She knew his sweet nature would perhaps draw some interest out of her roommate, but with one date, it seemed she was not keen to approve. Nessa had no idea why of course but… that was because she thought she didn’t. She did, however, secretly know (name) wouldn’t settle unless she knew the guy she had spent that night with was completely gone from her life. It also didn’t help that she had no idea what his name was, or how she could find him. So, the only way to help her forget about him, was to find someone new. Someone who could give her something she wanted. 

Nessa had tried several times to no avail, setting (name) up with some of her other gym leader friends that she knew. Apparently Gordie was much too overbearing and cocky, while Piers was too shy and soft spoken. Nessa even was able to get her a date with the unbeatable champion himself, but it seemed as if she was as uninterested in him as she was in the rest. 

Nessa was bound to give up, until Leon reminded her of the other eligible gym batchelor. Even if she did remember the dragon tamer, she wasn’t sure if she was all too crazy with allowing her best friend to go out with someone like Raihan. Sure, she knew he was extremely sweet, but the feral way he battles has always rubbed her the wrong way. Sure, that’s just his style, and maybe she shouldn’t judge, but she wasn’t sure. Nonetheless, she had to try once more, at least for her friend.

“Hey (nickname), so I was thinking… maybe you can give Raihan a shot?” Nessa asked. The two were stationed in the kitchen, (name) sitting on the counter being completely unproductive while Nessa prepared dinner for the evening.

“No.”

Nessa spun quickly, probably the fastest she’s ever turned before.

“No? Why not!?”

“Because I don’t want to. I’m tired of all the people you’ve been setting me up with,” she sighed, and jumped off of the counter, “maybe I’ll just go back to the bar and drown my sorrows… and maybe make another bad decision to hook up with some rando. That always makes me feel better.”

The sarcasm was thick in her voice. It made Nessa cringe at the thought.

“Please. Don’t do that.”

(Name) waved her hand in dismissal.

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I won’t… not now at least.”

She opened the fridge, looking for nothing in particular, then closed it again.

“(Name).”

A snicker.

“I’m serious though. Give Raihan a shot. You might like him.”

“Oh like how I ‘might like’ the other guys you set me up with? Yeah no thanks.”

“(Nickname), you didn’t even give them a chance!”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Why should it matter?” -- she returned to her seat on the counter -- “You’re curry’s burning.”

Nessa gasped, turning back to the stove to turn it off. She shook her head then continued to speak.

“Look. If you go out with him, I promise I’ll stop. If you don’t like him then that’s the end. I’ll admit defeat, and call it the end of me helping you with your dating life. But don’t come crying to me when you find yourself in another situation that won’t lead you to something you want.”

She looked back for an answer, finding (name) picking at her fingernails.

“Fine. I’ll go.”

~~~ 

By the next day, (name) found herself sitting alone at the Hulbury Seafood Restaurant, glancing out of the glass windows at the harbor below. It was a lovely view. The sky was clear save a few clouds, and the lighthouse looked as nice as always. Even Nessa’s gym could be seen in all of its glory. The boats at doc bobbed up and down, and the quiet, uninteresting view made the staring outside rather boring. She sighed, placing her hand under her chin to hold it up. She had been waiting for a while now, and felt that this Raihan guy was probably never coming. She was just about to slide out of her seat when she heard a slightly familiar voice. 

“Mind if I sit?”

She moved her head to face the voice, and just like that her eyes grew wide and her heart began to race. She swallowed, nodded, a shy chuckle coming from the man as he sat across from her.

“Sorry, I’m so late… I just…. Um….”

He stared at her for a few moments, not knowing how to continue. There was an awkward air about them, but she finally spoke.

“S-so… you’re Raihan… right?”

“Yeah…. And you’re…. (name)?’

“Yeah…”

Another long pause. Both eyes looking elsewhere.

“Why did you leave?”

She looked back to him.

“Huh?”

“You know what I mean….”

She looked at him with her eyebrows knit together, feigning confusion just to see how he would continue. He sighed, and ran a hand across his face. He looked outside again, trying his best to hide his embarrassment.

“I-I mean, I woke up and you, well I mean you weren't there, and… gosh I’m so sorry,” he apologized with his hands covering his face. It was silent for a moment, then she let out a laugh.

“It’s… okay. It’s not your fault. I was the one --”

“But it is my fault. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that. I… well I mean, I knew you were drunk but I still took you home with me and I knew I shouldn’t have, but you were just so amazing so I figured how could I not. But then I saw that you left and wondered why and then I realized you must have been so confused and --”

Another laugh. He stopped. His face was even more red than before.

“Look it’s really okay. It’s not your fault. I went along ---”

“But I insisted --”

“You did no such thing. I--”

“But I did!”

“No you did not! You left me remember? I followed you on my own accord.”

He opened his mouth again, but stopped. He looked off in thought, then his eyes widened in realization.

“Yeah but that’s because I waited for you…”

She shook her head.

“And I followed because I wanted you.”

Silence. 

They both just stared at the other. Then he spoke.

“You did?”

A nod.

He smiled.

“Y’know, you’ve been stuck in my head for I don’t know how long. I mean, when I first met you, I thought you were something, but then when we were together? You-- I--I just found you so wonderful and --”

“You did?”

“Huh? Um… yeah…”

Another pause. He looked embarrassed again.

“I thought you were too…”

“You… did?”

She hummed in response, then continued to say, “And… aha, and that’s why I went with you… because I found you so confusingly different, that I had to… um stay with you.”

“Then why did you leave?”

The initial question had returned. This time, it was easy to respond.

“Because…. I was scared. How was I supposed to know you felt the same way? That’s why--”

“That’s why you should have stayed.”

She stared at him for a moment.

“Don’t you think I wanted to? I really did. But, I mean, how was I supposed to know? I was in someone else’s room, and… it scared me. So I panicked. And I saw you, someone I didn’t know, and my head was pounding and --”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have expected that. I just really hoped it wouldn’t, and it ended up happening. And it does make sense because, it is true that we don’t know each other. Like, at all…” he said, softly. He slowly reached out and grabbed her hand, holding it tenderly in his. “So…. why don’t we start over. And maybe we can get to know each other properly this time?”

She looked to their intertwined hands, feeling the same sort of heat that she felt all those weeks ago. She smiled.

“I would love to.”